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Lehigh Supplement Essay. Critique and give me a helping hand.


baboozled 1 / -  
Nov 29, 2009   #1
Lehigh University became a household name since I was a kid. My father immigrated to America when he was seven years old and grew up in Fullerton, PA right outside of Bethlehem. My father never had the opportunity to attend college but he passed down to me a sense of Korean culture, which emphasized self-discipline and human dignity, of which I desire to contribute to this fine institution. Everyday for my teenage years, my dad would constantly parade me with the "Lehigh Talk", as my sisters and I called it. The "talk" consisted of praise of the university, telling me of how the campus was rustic yet welcoming and how it was small enough to be personal, yet large enough to provide a stimulating environment full of diversified characters. All of the admiration of the institution that my father spoke of usually went in through one ear and out the next. That is, until my senior year of high school. Stressed with all my college apps and burdened by my heavy course load, I turned to my father for guidance. Immediately after I asked him to talk with me, I should have known that the "Lehigh Talk" was coming. I was not planning on applying to Lehigh initially because all I knew was that it had a gorgeous campus. But then my dad spoke of its defining aspects. Lehigh provides a nationally acclaimed education that emphasizes the importance of my desires. Developing future leaders in every respected field and highlighting the importance of discovering new methods for the understanding of nature and human society are key elements that influenced my decision to apply. The culture that I grew up in will greatly influence my collegiate studies in that Lehigh provides a diverse community where I am able to develop not only my own learning environment, but contribute to the very ideal in which Lehigh represents: To pursue excellence.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 1, 2009   #2
Lehigh University became a household name when I was a kid. My father had immigrated to America when he was seven years old and grown up in Fullerton, Pennsylvania. A right outside of Bethlehem.

This sentence is not quite right:
Lehigh provides a nationally acclaimed education that emphasizes the importance of my desires. focuses on areas of development that are aligned with my desires. ----> after this, you should list specific examples that show how this school is perfect for your unique aspirations.
bhan_msm 3 / 11  
Dec 16, 2009   #3
It's a well written essay since you have put your personal life in it as well.But according to me,you have used too much space on the essay for describing your past.You can maybe cut on that and in place of it put any community or activity of the University that draw your attention


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