Leadership skills, development - Why do you want to study at Lingnan University?

sabLeyaThreads: 3 Posts: 17 Author: LIlly	Jan 30, 2011, 09:04pm   #1
ok, so here's the question.....Pls help me on the opening sentence....Do u think it's an appropriate beginning...If not then pls suggest a good beginning and check for any grammatical errors. Why do you want to study at Lingnan University??? With the sun sinking into the horizon each day, my heart sank deeper than each passing day, as I saw my friends one after another boarding on big aero planes; flying onto distant lands to seek knowledge. Standing on the busy airport, I waved them "goodbye" and wondered, "When would I find the right university to apply?" Looking at my saddened face my mother told me " why don't you apply to Lingnan University, that girl in the next building got a full scholarship from that uni." That was the time when I first heard of Lingnan. I eventually carried out my research finding the university to be among the top liberal arts institutions being extremely generous with overseas student scholarship. To facilitate the students in whole person development, LU has small class sizes enhancing teacher-student relationship, enriched campus life with students from diverse backgrounds. The integrated learning programme in campus will heighten my experience outside the classroom, excelling my interaction, organization and personal abilities. The university also helps its student develop analytical and critical thinking abilities through the service learning. The service learning will be a good way to deepen my leadership skills, intensify self-confidence and establish me as a well-rounded individual. In conclusion, studying in LU will give me a new perspective of life broadening my views and hereby allowing me to graduate as a trilingual, which I have always been looking forward to.

mimiyiruThreads: 2 Posts: 10 Author: Yvonne Xu	Jan 31, 2011, 03:24am   #2
To be honest, there are many problems. grammatically and also the content Your introduction about how you first learned about Lingnan University sounds like a TV commercial... your mother is obviously the advertiser.:) narrr...not so good and the sun sinking down, it doens't really make sense. I know your trying to picture a sad feeling , but it kinda confuses people since your sentence is not so well constructed. Nice writing can be poetical, but still has to be clear stated. I rewrote the sentence: My friends boarded one after another onto the plane heading for their future University's leaving me behind with a heart sinking like a sun at dusk. I just came up with the idea that instead of seeing off your friend, why not see off the girl next building. just my idea. :) LU has small class sizes enhancing teacher-student relationship, enriched campus life with students from diverse backgrounds. The integrated learning programme in campus will heighten my experience outside the classroom, excelling my interaction, organization and personal abilities. The university also helps its student develop analytical and critical thinking abilities through the service learning. The service learning will be a good way to deepen my leadership skills, intensify self-confidence and establish me as a well-rounded individual. In conclusion, studying in LU will give me a new perspective of life broadening my views and hereby allowing me to graduate as a trilingual, which I have always been looking forward to. and this...This is way tooooo common. This fits for any University. How is the enriched campus life? which activity are you mostly interested in? What integrated learning programs?what personal abilities? Almost all universities help student develop analytival and critical thinking abilities. There is no real content in your essay where the Admission Officers can learn about you. It lacks something sparkelling. I don't want to be harsh ,but maybe you should rewrite it. Good luck.:)

sabLeyaThreads: 3 Posts: 17 Author: LIlly	Jan 31, 2011, 04:17am   #3
thanx...

imnotdreamingThreads: 2 Posts: 7 Author: ali nawaz	Jan 31, 2011, 07:04am   #4
I appreciate ur passionate writing, but can you really write ur own recommendation?

sabLeyaThreads: 3 Posts: 17 Author: LIlly	Feb 1, 2011, 04:02am   #5
Attached on merging: Non-native english speaker needs help with admission essay......Why LU??? I am a non- native speaker of English...So I am looking forward to your help. I am having trouble to have a continuous flow in my essay....Pls help me......these are my basic ideas..help me construct it Why do you want to study at LU? ( no word limit) Ever since a young age, I have wanted to become part of an academic institution that acknowledges the value of liberal arts education and emphasizes the discovery of knowledge by stimulating intellectual inquiry among its students. I have a spirited heart for culture; the cultural enthusiasm within me engrosses myself in the fields of literature, history, international relations, economics, psychology, political science and fine arts. All courses in Lingnan University are appealing to me; I would take them all if I could. However, I would have the independence to choose elective courses from various disciplines. Lingnan University provides a unique experience in volunteering through the service learning project. I find it most appealing as I do not have any experience of volunteering abroad; the service-learning project in LU will provide me a new experience in volunteering. The project has particularly caught my attention because I'm a volunteer teaching assistant in Jaago Foundation (an underprivileged school's children), assisting teachers in educating children through visual presentation and oral communication. I really enjoy my work and service learning will rejuvenate my experiences and help me to integrate with the social life in Hong Kong. I am allergic to cold weather. Mild winters is one of the major factor deciding I hate snow and I am glad it does not snow in Hong Kong because fabulous weather is one of the reasons I am choosing Lingnan. Also the street foods in Tuen Mun tastes fantastic as I have heard from my cousins who visited there last summer. Staying in Tuen Muen I will be able to buy cheap electronics and do cheap shopping. Friendly people.

j19Threads: 1 Posts: 3 Author: Joseph Collison	Feb 1, 2011, 05:07am   #6
Why do you want to study at LU? ( no word limit) Ever since a young age, I have wanted to become part of an academic institution that acknowledges the value of liberal arts education and emphasizes the discovery of knowledge by stimulating intellectual inquiry among its students. I have a spirited heart for culture; the cultural enthusiasm within me engrosses myself in the fields of literature, history, international relations, economics, psychology, political science and fine arts. All courses in Lingnan University are appealing to me; I would take them all if I could. However, I would have the independence to choose elective courses from various disciplines. You might want to briefly add more details, explainaing why their courses are appealing to you and why having the independence to choose elective courses from various disciplines is important to you. Lingnan University provides a unique experience in volunteering through the service learning project. I find it most appealing as I do not have any experience of volunteering abroad; the service-learning project in LU will provide me a new experience in volunteering. The project has particularly caught my attention because I'm (avoid contractions in an essay) a volunteer teaching assistant in with the Jaago Foundation (an underprivileged school's children's [try to clarify this more effectively, it sounds unfinished. If it's an organization or foundation make that known.]), assisting teachers in educating children through visual presentation and oral communication. I really enjoy my work and service learning will rejuvenate my experiences and help me to integrate with the social life in Hong Kong. I am allergic to cold weather. Mild winters is one of the major factor deciding (this does not fit in well, try to reword it better. If you want to highlight the weather, get straight to the point and then emphasize why you prefer mild weather, but to be honest, I think there are better things to highlight than the weather.) I hate snow and I am glad it does not snow in Hong Kong because fabulous weather is one of the reasons I am choosing Lingnan. Also the street foods in Tuen Mun tastes fantastic as I have heard from my cousins who visited there last summer. Staying in Tuen Muen I will be able to buy cheap electronics and do cheap shopping. Friendly people. I think it starts off well but it starts to get a bit choppy at the end. Definitely work on the concluding paragraph more and work on making the essay flow better. But overall, I think this is a good start. Work on it some more and I think you will get a great result. Because there is no word limit, you should definitely expand on why you are interested in their courses as that's very important. But overall, it's a good start. Good luck!

EF_SusanThreads: - Posts: 3,442 Author: Susan O'Neill, EssayForum.com [Moderator]  4	Feb 1, 2011, 07:09pm   #7
This is beautifully written, but I can find little ways to improve it... With the sun sinking into the horizon each day, my heart sank sinks deeper than each passing day, as I saw see my friends, one after another, boarding planes -- flying on to distant lands to seek knowledge. ...and wondered, "When will I find the right university to attend?" apply?" Looking at my saddened face my mother told asked me, "Why don't you apply to ... Separate this into paragraphs, and it will be easier to read. That makes it more powerful. :-)

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