I've got my game face on, and I'm ready for the pitch--Mt. Holyoke Essay

SHORT ANSWER (in addition to the Common Application short answer)

Please respond to the following question in one or two paragraphs:
How are your hands different from anyone else's in the world?

They say eyes are windows to the soul, and a smile is beauty unmatched but it's the hands that tell my story. Nothing I have ever seen can measure up to the things, lives, and hearts that I have or plan to touch. My hands have grasped those of a child looking for help, and held those of a women way beyond my years, for support. My palms have skimmed over pages of a thousand words, leaving a trail only for my eyes to follow. These fingers have been used to pluck the strings of my passion, listening to a melody of my own creation. These hands have planted trees and cleaned up trash, but what they have not done is asked for compensation. These fingers have a grip, strong like my resolve to help others, and their tips are frequently used. Like my mind, they are always at work.

Each person in the world holds the power to create and destroy in the palm of their hands, and with great power comes great responsibility. That is why these hands have chosen to make a change in the world, using my heart as their only tool. It was once said by Maya Angelou "You shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back." Well I've got my game face on, and I'm ready for the pitch. These hands are different from anyone else's because they are attached to a person ready to leave a positive impact on the world, and she goes by the name: ------ ------.

This is just the rough draft and I need major help on this essay!! Like I know what I want to say but alot of this might not make sense so let me know what I should cut out or change! Any help would be greatly appreciated!!!

Maybe you should remove the quotation

Fearless, you talking about this? well. try making it more of a quote...Who are they? what is the actual quote? why do you use it? explain it if you want to use it.


nothing really wrong..just that it's rather vague. the notion of never seeing anything better than what I can do/have done sounds arrogant. maybe rephrase to make it sounds more you.


what do you want to tell by saying this? that you read a lot? or that you write a lot? please explain more and talk less it abstract terms. It helps you stand out, instead of just obscure ideas.


you mean you write music? I'm thoroughly confused.


Ok...So I like the effect of this paragraph...but it's much too abstract. it sounds prosaic and the effect of your hands loses its quality


AH. this quote...you don't talk much about it. and you don't have much room to..maybe paraphrase like you did earlier. or make this an earlier topic and progress from there.


Informal a bit


LOL. you seriously thinking about writing that into the essay? I'd advise against it, unless you really talk about the positive impacts that you are willing to do. and make these impacts sounds reasonable or at least possible.

Comments: so your hands, they are working hands, hands that will make a difference, yea? tell how, where you have used them as such, etc...I like this topic, haven't seen it tho :X again. less abstraction, more substance to substantiate the uniqueness of thou hands. :]

Hey, I just skipped ahead to help with your essay because I saw some excellent help you gave somebody with his letter to a professor.

I think your first paragraph is too abstract, but if you scrap the first para and start with the second, that will be pretty powerful:

Each person in the world holds the power to create and destroy in the palms of their hands, and...

Each person in the world holds the power to create and destroy in the palms of their hands, but with great power comes great responsibility.

If asked what the most significant thing about me was, you would be hard pressed to hear me say my hands. With fingernails to long, and nail polish that scratches but never fades, I wouldn't say they were the most attractive thing either. But what makes them so important is that sometimes the things I can't say are expressed through the things my hands create. When I'm feeling unhappy and my heart is wailing, these fingers pluck the strings of my guitar, blending the sounds into one soulful melody. When the thoughts I seek to release are too much for anyone to listen to, one hand clasps a pen while the other steadies the paper. My emotions pour out faster than my eyes can follow; only my hands are able to keep up. And every Sunday, when I go to my local recreation center to help out the kids in my neighborhood my hands seek out that of a child's instead of monetary compensation.

With these hands I have chosen to construct rather than destroy, and through every aspect of my life I embrace originality and ingenuity despite who it benefits. My aspirations for the future after attending college include returning to my home town with an open mind, ready to make a definite change in the community I once grew up in. Even if it's only in one corner of the world I believe that the effort to do or create great things is always critical.

With my eyes I have seen many things, but with my hands I hope to touch the lives of others in a way that leaves a positive impact on the world. What makes my hands so different from anyone else's in the world is not what they do, but who they belong to. I am not always certain of where I am headed but the one thing I am always certain of is who I am. And who I am is a woman ready to take on great responsibility because using only my hands and my heart I have harnessed the power to create.

Ok so I thought this was a little better but I don't know by how much. Like I stated before, feedback is always appreciated!!

bit wordy.


need a better transition but this is good. much more focused. also, a bit wordy like the previous ^


comma after world,


else's rings up wrong on my spelling check. maybe another word. maybe shorten this sentence.


bit repetitive. you can talk about what was the new prompt? it's similar, but yet different. what did you create? a sense of what_ a mood of what_ do you have to address all parts of this prompt? if yes, what was it exactly. :<