Prompt: Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.
Here is what I can get out of this, please criticisms will be welcome and appreciated.
Biological Science Study
As a young child, one day I decided to hunt for a live lizard. However, I was able to catch just one although my earlier target was two. It was seriously wounded with its tail already chopped up. I was only 6 years old and had previously watched on a TV documentary how blood transfusion was being carried out. I decided to talk into a friend whose mum was a nurse to help me with a syringe. Shortly after, I started an allogeneic transfusion but this one involved two different species, my elder bother's rabbit and a half dead lizard. After I got each blood on a container, I interchanged their blood and this led the lizard dead few minutes after while the rabbit lasted just after my brother came home to see the bombshell. He was very infuriated at me and would have hit hard me if not for the instantaneous interference of my mum. I had to apologies and promise the family not to ever repeat such an act with the rest of his rabbits. Although I continued with other creature I could get for myself and tried to keep them alive.
During my third year in senior secondary, I was appointed the new biology laboratory prefect and I wanted to provide something significant into the science department. After a practical class on anatomy, I was certain that what the department needs is a genuine skeleton considering that my school generally use skeleton made of plastic. I set out to get a complete skeleton of a dog. I went straight ahead to a butcher who offered me a dead dog for a good price. I eventually skinned it and during this period, I noted every part of this creature and exactly where it organs were positioned. I find this experience extremely educative more than all I had being taught on animal anatomy. Consequently my biology was proud of me as its helped to challenged other students to get different kind of animals skeleton to the biology laboratory. Presently the school ranks the best biology laboratory in the community as it now has genuine skeletons as well as those made of plastic. This reveals my passion for biological science.
Studying biological science at the Cornell University College of Arts and Science would prepare me for medical school as I will be given the opportunity to embark on research with professors like Brian F. Chabot even as a Cornell undergraduate. Courses like human hormones and behavior will be the most exciting aspect of studying biological science. I strongly believe life is the most precious and valuable in plant earth and so am committed to making my time as an undergraduate productive and beneficial to my world. Cornell University is certainly a place where I want to end up schooling knowing that it will provides me with perfect opportunities needed to be fully prepaid and equipped in a career in biological science.Emmanuel,
Where do you attend high school? In what country? You have great experience, both personal(lizard) and academic(Bio Lab), however your essay reads really rough. You use very big words to tell a simple story. Your mother's "instantaneous interference" "bombshell," and other "grandiose" words should be used only after you have a strong command for the English language. Otherwise, it just sounds like you are trying way too hard, and in this essay it just doesn't work. -admissions essay advice
Tanks alot admission2012 am truly grateful. I graduated from a high school in Nigeria. Your advice is well received as I have changed those words you suggested for a more simple ones. Tanks once again. I checked out your site, how those it work?
Please another one mind criticising my essay??
The english is a little weird. For example, it would be better if you wrote "One day, as a young child," instead of "As a young child, one day" . The content is good though
This is a very good essay. I recommend you use spell-check and grammar check for amendments.
