I will bring my industrious nature to the University of Colorado Boulder. I enjoy working with others, and I believe I can contribute in the departments of physics and mathematics.
I wouldn't begin with this. It starts off too abruptly.
Math is competitive; only a few people take up mathematics because it takes an immense amount of reading and application to an ancient discipline.
You don't elaborate on this, I think you should
I'm not the brightest math student, but it's something I love doing. With my determination and my own dreams, I can become that brilliant mathematician I see in my head.
I don't find this to be the most convincing way to phrase this.
academic standards I set
academic standards I set for myself
I think this essay could use some work. You don't really go anywhere with your argument. You keep repeating "I love math. I'm not really great at math, but I love it." You need to clearly make an argument for why you love math, science, and aerospace engineering. From the reasoning you have provided, I can't see why you chose aerospace engineering. I'm also not quite sure you completely answer the prompt. I don't totally understand what they're asking, but if part of it includes "how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive community," then I think you should address that at some point.