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"Important issue" - Texas Common App Topic B [or c] - feedback



rohizzle121Threads: 1
Posts: 1
Author: Rohan Pandula
   
Nov 11, 2009, 10:37am   #1
Hey guys!
this is my first post so go easy on me :)
im pretty bad at english and grammer stuff :/
so i was wondering if you could help me out.


my essay applies to two topics and some of the schools im applying to require b and the other ones require c so i might as well kill two birds with one stone eh?

Topic B. Choose an issue of importance to you—the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope—and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

Topic C. There may be personal information that you want considered as part of you admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, education goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.

NET NUTRALITY:


The forward development of the internet is vital to our generation and future generations. The internet is a great tool, which has allowed us to share more information faster than ever before. This ability has been the catalyst for various technologies. The use of the internet is also diverse, we are able do many things from performing surgery from across the world, to sending pictures to family down the streets. Improvements in these current technologies rely on the fact that data transmission is getting faster and the internet remains an open and level playing field. Many companies have started with an idea from the internet.

Currently the USA is ranked 15th in terms of average broadband speed. Even though penetration of broadband is almost at the 80% mark, the amount of data being transferred on the internet is growing. This growth in bandwidth is taxing on the current infrastructure. Running at close to capacity is more expensive for ISP's [internet service providers].

When the internet first became available to consumers, customers were charged based on the usage of data transferred, bandwidth, or the time used. But since then, ISP's have evolved from the pay as you go model to the unlimited model. Now that we are running at near full capacity, ISP's want to move back to a similar model. This would be devastating to the forward development of the modern technological world. Not only do the ISP's want to limit bandwidth but also allowed websites. They could sell packages of allowed sites. Like a cable or satellite channels are currently, another name for this would be tiered internet.

This would benefit the ISP's in many ways; they would be able to weed out competition because they will be able to filter competitor websites. For example SBC has a partnership with yahoo search. Yahoo's main competition is good search, Bing search and ask.com. Without legislation requiring neutrality SBC can charge more or even completely restrict those sites. ISP's have already been testing tired internet in Beaumont, Texas and more cities in the future

Even though net neutrality is not a highly publicized issue like healthcare or abortion but it can still affect us all. ISP's are taking advantage of lack of publicity. Many congressman/woman are unaware of how the internet actually works. A senator once thought the internet was a "series of tubes" which is very inaccurate. The internet is more of an interconnected group of websites.




any help would be greatly appreaciated :)



christiekThreads: 8
Posts: 76
Author: christie kang
   
Nov 11, 2009, 11:02am   #2
rohizzle121:
my essay applies to two topics and some of the schools im applying to require b and the other ones require c so i might as well kill two birds with one stone eh?



--> I am pretty sure that is a bad idea. You should stick with ONE!

rohizzle121:
to sending pictures to family down the streets.


--> I dont think this example really fits in. I mean if the family lives down the street, sending pictures through the internet to them is not exactly, amazing...


- I feel like the first paragraph, isnt really hookin' me. You just state things that are all true, and no one can really form an opinion to interact with the essay...
- I dont see how the second and third paragraph benefits your essay. It's all just information.

-I think you approached the first prompt to describe the influence on your generation, or some other broad community like the world as a whole. Am I right? I say this because, I feel like you dont really show HOW the internet has really benefited your group. You talk about how it would benefit the IPS...


You really need to write about one prompt!
I think more people would be able to give you feedback...because your can't combine prompts in the first place. I really hope I'm right.

Can someone clarify?!

GOOD LUCK : )


reedlingoThreads: -
Posts: 4
Author: Reed Miller
   
Nov 11, 2009, 07:48pm   #3
Yeah, I think your essay should really be more of a narrative than something expository... your essay doesn't tell me anything about how the issue specifically affects you or the people around you. After all, the essay is about you - they're looking to learn more about you as a person. They want to see that you are able to write with voice. Maybe start out with an anecdote of some sort?


EF_KevinThreads: 33
Posts: 14,154
Author: You can help a lot of people by visiting the "Unanswered" threads!
 Likes 4  
Nov 12, 2009, 02:43pm   #4
I think you are supposed to capitalize Internet.

The ending is a bit abrupt... you write: The internet is more of an interconnected group of websites.

But it might be better as: The Internet is more correctly described as an interconnected group of websites. -----but even that does not seem quite right. It is an interconnected information "web"... made possible by computer technology.

It would be intereresting to google definitions for internet.

This is a great, very smart choice. Well done!




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