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Imagery describing my college campus


RyanVi16 12 / 91  
Oct 10, 2010   #1
Please help me with this first paragraph, I'm trying to describe the college campus. I'm never good at imagery so this might sound a little forceful. Grammars and other errors point out would greatly appreciated. Thanks

The sunlight dances across the serene water surface, reflects off the burgundy brick walls in harmony with the exquisite fields of flowers that surrounds the grand chapel. Sitting on top of a hill overlooking the beautiful lake with unbridled flows of water that gently hitting against the grassy meadow, the colonial blended with modern taste architecture buildings of Dallas Baptist University reminded me of my home town in Vietnam, where I often spent my childhood enjoying the tranquility of the local fields of rice.

My family moved to Saigon, one of the main cities in my country when I turned six. Leaving the countryside and joining the noisiness of the city nights that were filled with profanity and raging sounds of motorcycles on the busy streets, I was at lost, embracing the nostalgia of the impoverished sights of the meager hamlets I left behind. Growing up in an environment where crimes had adulterated the people's mind, where agony of rejection had consumed their every beings, to my small eyes, the world was a decay of the new generation that losing its grip of reality. It started to become clear that Christian Ministry is my calling.

A different vital segment of society- the outcasts of civilization, prisoners are losing the race against the condemnations from the world. God has given me the desire to help the inmates to carry their crosses. Christian Studies and Education program offered at DBU will help me open the doors of the hearts of these prodigal sons and daughters to come back home again.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 13, 2010   #2
Sitting on top of a hill enables one to overlook the beautiful lake with unbridled flows of water that gently hitting against the grassy meadow.

The
colonial blended with modern taste architecture buildings of Dallas Baptist University --- this part is complicated! Hard to understand...

Dances is present tense, but this is past tense: reminded me of
So... you should change one of them to be the same as the other.

Leaving the countryside and joining the noisiness of the city nights that were filled with profanity and raging sounds of motorcycles on the busy streets, I was at lost in nostalgia about the impoverished...

A different vital ---- I think it is better without "different."

This is excellent! I was going to suggest lengthening the last paragraph, but I see that you have a word limit.


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