Hi,guys! I'm new here on the forum. I need some sincere feedback on this essay. Please, tell me what do you think of it. Here it is:
Heart
Hope
'Where there is life, there is hope'-Cicero.
I am an optimistic person. I have always been. I believe hope has the power to keep awake both the soul and the imagination. Everything I have now is something I hoped for yesterday and everything I hope today is what I will achieve tomorrow. There is no reason not to believe in my winning since I have not lost yet.
Energy
'And what is a man without energy? Nothing-nothing at all.'-Mark Twain
This is what I need to wake up every morning, to think, to learn, to love, to laugh, to cry, to imagine, to dream, to realize, to analyze, to understand, to create my own universe. I have learned to find this vital energy in every event of my life, in every person I want to help, in every smile I receive as a 'Thank you'.
Ambition
'Big results require big ambitions'-James A. Champy
Difficulty is not put in my way to stop me. It is there to make me find the force I did not even know I had and to overcome it. Ambition gives me this hidden force along with the chance to try again as many times as necessary. I am not afraid of failing, I am afraid of losing the desire to try and the hope to succeed.
Responsibility
'Each player must accept the cards that life deals him or her. But once in hand, one must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game'-Voltaire
It is true; I want to win the game. For this I must make wise choices, think ahead and fully understand the consequences of all my acts. I do something only if I agree to its consequences and eventual side effects as I agree to the act itself.
Tolerance
'How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because some day in life, you will have been all of these.'-George Washington Carver
To my mind, tolerance is the essential ingredient of freedom. I value my freedom and this is why I can not be indifferent to others' lack of freedom. People are amazingly wonderful because of what they think and feel. The only thing I can not tolerate is intolerance.
These are the things that are important to me. These are the values that I believe in. During my life, at least one thing will be constant: the trust in my HEART.
I feel it lacks omogenity or something like this. If you have any ideas, feel free to type them. Thanks!
I am thinking you mean "homogeneity". :)
I think your transition from "Heart" to "Hope" is unclear. Are you trying to emulate the qualities of your heart? Just make that a bit more specific.
Maybe its just me but saying that "I have not lost yet" in your Hope bit, sounds a bit awkward. You generally come across as modest and strong-willed, but I think you might want to rephrase this one.
Overall, I love the idea of using quotes to begin and then making your personality shine through them.
Great Essay :)
Everything I have now is something I hoped for yesterday and everything I hope for today is what I will achieve tomorrow.->brilliant. If left to me, I may want to change it to this: Everything I have now is something I hoped for yesterday and around which my hope for the future centers. But your original wording is fine, straight to the point and easy to understand so you can ignore all these rambles:P
It is there to make me find the force I did not even know I had and to overcome it->I think you can omit the word to
I think you can tie "hope" and "ambition" together:), or make reference to "hope" when you are elaborating on "ambition":)
I think this essay is rly smart. However, the quotes seem to take up a large space (especially the "tolerance" quote). In the process, your elaboration looks short and so this essay looks like a random collection of quotes rather than a thoughtful introspection. You may want to just focus on 2 or 3 traits:)
I know it is short, but I have a word limit (max 500). I added this introduction:
I could be 68 years old, but young at heart. I can be in good heart or heart-broken. I can devote myself heart and soul to something and I can get to the heart of the matter. The heart governs all my acts. To introduce myself, I will tell you what I guard in my heart:
I think now it's more like an essay. :D
Thanks a lot for your obs, Anh! :)
