1. Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Please edit and check for errors!
As I sat in the auditorium for my brothers' Senior Awards, I heard both of my twin brothers' names announced. I felt an overwhelming feeling of joy as they received their awards for finishing top of their class yet a feeling of anxiety rushed into my body as I realized that one day I must fill their shoes. As you can imagine, this would be no simple task. Growing up with four overachieving siblings is not always easy. My teachers and parents often expected the same or even better quality work from me than from my brothers and sister. Watching them succeed made me feel that I should follow in their exact footsteps, whether it be picking out new shoes for school or picking classes for my freshman year in high school.
As I entered my freshmen year in high school, I wanted to be well known. This would be the first time I was in a school without my siblings alongside me. I could prove to everyone that I was my own person. However, teachers would occasionally ask me, "Are you Don and Van's little brother?" Every time someone would ask me that question, I felt that I was still being overshadowed. I thought I would never be able to escape the comparisons and be my own person. From that moment on, I knew I did not want to be compared anymore. I wanted people to know me for me and not be known as someone's little brother. To stand out more, I had to be more involved. First, I ran for Student Government. Through numerous hours of campaigning, my freshman class elected me for Freshman Co-President. I was definitely nervous, but once I would throw myself out there, I would able to become an active member in my school community. As a member of ASB, I would help plan all school-wide events including homecoming, fundraisers, mass, and dances.
I soon realized that trying to step out of the shadow was not my only goal; I wanted to find who I really was. My siblings left such a high standard for me to overcome that it motivated me to reach my personal best and fulfill my fullest potential. Every day as I worked harder and harder, I slowly set realistic goals for myself and slowly, as I've reached them, grown both academically and in character. My hard work has given me the aspirations to continue on this growth and continue to discover new ways to find my own definition of success.
After the second paragraph, should I add more details about how that helped me stand out?
Hi, Mac)
Your essay is nice, though the topic is quite common, so regarding your question whether you should add more details after the 2 para, of course, you need to make your story more personal and adding more interesting tidbits will only supplement that.
I've noticed You tend to overuse some words and sentence structures with "as" so I tried to revise some of those, also there are some tense inconsistency.
