stjahnavib 1 / 1 Feb 24, 2013 #1Hello! I'm really struggling with writing my essay. I have just finished this, please give feedback.Topic: Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.I am not using my great great grandfathers actual name, just for privacy reasons.Essay:It's safe to say that the closest ones in our lives have a great impact on who we become, although sometimes, those who we don't know are the ones who change our outlook on life the most. I have never met this man and I never will, yet the blood we share means a stronger connection to me than my connection to those who i've known for years. He is my great great grandfather, (NAME), a leader who served as the president of El Salvador years (----) through (----).He was a man so charismatic with such patience, even while being tied to presidential responsibilities. A certain time throughout the week was always set aside to tend to anyone who wanted to be heard. A line of people would show up, sometimes needing guidance, sometimes merely needing someone to listen. No person's problems were turned away no matter their social class or situation.I grew up hearing the wonderful stories about him and his caring ways. The sacrifices he has made for the good of the people are countless. Throughout the years I have worked on shaping myself into a person he would be proud to call family, just as I am to call him.It is very true that I would not be the way I am today if it weren't for the inspirational stories that have been passed down to me through family members. I have allowed myself absorb the inner beauty of my great great grandfather. His compassion and love for those he had never met is a quality I strive to keep up at all times. He created a life with as little negativity as possible, a beautiful way to live that I have began to live as well. I have grown to be someone who listens, as well as one less person who refuses to unnecessarily judge others without justification. I am a person who's future holds great opportunities as I share the love I've learned to give.
jpsmyth 7 / 21 2 Feb 24, 2013 #2"shaping myself into a person he would be proud to call family, just as I am to call him." this doesn't flow too well, just my opinion. If you could rearrange this sentence it would be better. great work though
sv00111 2 / 2 1 Feb 25, 2013 #3"No person's problems were turned away no matter their social class or situation." instead of that I like "Nobody was turned away due to their social class or socioeconomic status."
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592 Feb 26, 2013 #5as the president of El Salvador years (----) through (----).[i]as the president of El Salvador from xxxxx to yyyyy[/i]He was a man so charismatic with such patience, even while being tied to presidential responsibilities.He had been a charismatic leader who had great patience and tolerance, especially during the most stressful times in his presidency.A certain time throughout the week was always set aside to tend to anyone who wanted to be heard.I dont get your idea.... I feel you better re-phrase this line.You need to tell in more detail as to how he influenced you as a person. What was his contribution in shaping you?