Hi -
Need help with my FIT essay. I think it sounds silly. I haven't written a college essay in quite a few years. Can anyone help me with this? Also, it needs to be 750 words and I'm a bit over. I've been editing for hours. What should I take out? Okay, here goes...
As I write this, I think to myself, "What the heck am I doing? This is crazy, isn't it? Am I really doing this". As I hit send on my FIT application, I realize that there is no turning back. The fact of the matter is, while my Wall Street job is probably what most people think I should be doing, I know what I was truly meant to do.
I am the second child of Nigerian immigrants. What does that mean, you may ask? That means that a career in fashion is not an option. "If you want to make money in America, you must be a doctor, lawyer, or banker." That is what I was supposed to do otherwise my education will not have been paid for. Little did they know I would find my way into the fashion world, one way or another.
My interest in fashion started at an early age. While other little girls begged for the latest Barbie Doll or doll house, I prayed eagerly every day for the latest patent leather shoes or party dress for the upcoming school play I'd be starring in. My interest turned into a full fledged love affair as I got older. In college, I altered my own clothes to put my own personal flair on it. My girlfriends always came to me for advice on what to wear and how to make their outfits stand out. I was known for my style and which led me to run for President of Black Womens' weekend, where I put together a fashion show for the school. I had the time of my life and after that experience I knew that the fashion industry is where I belonged.
After college, I landed a job on Wall Street where I held a number of roles in Human Resources and Finance. While these experiences help mold my career, I realized that something was missing. My love for fashion had been pushed to the side. I had to do something about it so I started working on projects that allowed me to feed my creative side. I'd always wanted to start my own fashion line or own a boutique, so I started working on a business plan on how I would achieve this. I ended up signing up for an FIT non-credit course on how to start an apparel line and I was hooked. My instructor, Tina Shoulders, was so inspiring and supportive of me and my ideas. After this course, it was confirmed. I was meant to be in fashion.
I was so inspired, that this past June, I incorporated my company and started working on setting up the business. In order to raise money for the business, I started doing wardrobe consulting for friends. I already did it for most of them for free, so this time I decided to add a small fee and test the waters. I received many referrals, however, in this economy it just didn't seem like a value added cost for many people, so business died down after a while.
After seeing that my knowledge in the fashion industry was very limited, I was determined to get more exposure to the industry. This proved to be extremely difficult as fashion companies would not touch my resume as it screamed "ALL BUSINESS, NO FASHION!!". However, I wouldn't let that stop me. One summer night I was browsing the web and I ran across a posting on Craig's list for a fashion designer that needed and unpaid intern. I sent over my resume and a compelling cover letter - so compelling that a week later I was called in to interview. I was so shocked that I even received a response. Little did I know the internship was for Jillian Lewis, Project Runway, Season 4 Finalist.
To cut a long story short, I interviewed for the role and got the job. Currently, I work two days a week (nights and weekends) with Jillian and her manager / fiance, Lewaa. I assist them with the organization of the business, research on trends and assist with design inspirations. In return, Jillian and Lewaa teach me about the fashion industry.
As you can see from my essay, I do not have the most traditional background and one may ask, "Why does she want to do this?" The answer to that is: This is my dream. This is not something I want to do. I have to do this. I know I cannot spend life dreaming about this - I must take the steps to make it a reality and the steps I have taken thus far proves that I will do whatever it takes to realize my dream.
I know that a degree from FIT will not only give me credibility for investors and potential employers, but it will also provide the knowledge base that I need to someday start my own fashion business.
"my style and which led me to run " instead of using which use this
"experiences help mold my career" helped
"working on projects that allowed me to feed my creative side" you could say projects that fed my creative side to get rid of some words
"needed and unpaid intern" an
"I was so shocked that I even received a response. Little did I know the internship was for Jillian Lewis, Project Runway, Season 4 Finalist.
To cut a long story short, I interviewed for the role and got the job. Currently, I work two days a week (nights and weekends) with Jillian and her manager / fiance, Lewaa." you can possibly delete these words/phrases
the last paragraph you can delete "As you can see from my essay,"
I really enjoyed reading this essay, its truly remarkable that you finally decided to pursue your dreams :) good luck! and i hope this helped
As I write this, I think to myself, "What the heck am I doing? This is crazy, isn't it? Am I really doing this"?
While these experiences helped mold my career, I realized that something was missing.
In college, I altered my own clothes to put my own personal flair on them . My girlfriends always came to me for advice on what to wear and how to make their outfits stand out. I was known for my style, which led me to run for President of Black Womens' weekend, where I put together a fashion show for the school. I had the time of my life and after that experience I knew that the fashion industry was where I belonged.
I must take the steps to make it a reality and the steps I have taken thus far prove that I will do whatever it takes to realize my dream.
:)
Kevin
Thanks for the feedback, everyone!
Another question for you guys? Do you think the beginning of my essay sounds too cliche and boring? I received some feedback from a friend and she said that the essay sounds like every FIT essay is going to start like that. "My interest in fashion started at a young age, blah, blah, blah."
Any thoughts on what I should take out vs. elaborate on?
