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"MY FATHER" The person Who influenced my Life


GeorgianDream 1 / 1  
Oct 1, 2012   #1
Please can you check, if i have any grammar or writing styling errors? im not a great writer.

The people that get to know us best, from our flaws to our virtues, are our parents. They have the greatest influence in our life, because they are the people that we have known for the longest. They sacrifice many luxuries in order to give their children the best life possible. My father had a great influence on my life, and it is because of him that I am, what I am today. Most People say that I am a lot like my dad, we both have same mannerisms, facial expressions, and thinking process. Both of us have an incredible amount of energy, we love to travel, eat good food, and spend time with my family. By observing his behavior, and listening to his lectures, I have felt his influence on my life, choices and personality.

My dad was born in Georgia Tianeti Region; he was third child in the family of the Soviet Party official. His parents wanted to give their children the best education possible, and only way of doing it was that children had to move to Tbilisi, apart from their parents and to live with their aunt for a while. My dad was 6 when he started to live separately from his parents. Being away from his parents was a rude awakening for him, he realized what was the intention of the being away from his parents, and it made him hardworking, capable of handling challenges and making decisions by himself. I do wonder how a 6 year old could understand so much.

After graduation he was drafted in the army and served at the Air force in Siberia for 2 years. Army taught him discipline, and his independent personality helped him to adapt to the army's lifestyle.

When he finished serving at the army he applied to a medical school, and became a pharmaceutical specialist. Soon after graduating, he opened his own drug store and later got married to his schoolmate. It was time when Soviet Union broke up and Georgia had difficult times by all means, but despite from all his struggles, my dad never lost hope and kept on working hard to improve his family's quality of life.

My dad's ability to improve his family's life has inspired me to always try my hardest to get the best out of life. Thanks to him, I have more opportunities than he had at my age. I feel that if I do not take advantage of everything he has provided for me, I am being lazy and a disappointment to him. I believe that if my dad was able to achieve such a comfortable life with very little to start out with, I should be able to do the same because of all the advantages I have compared to him. My dad's story makes me realize that there are no excuses for me not to reach my goals. My dream of being a successful independent man will become a reality if I constantly work and fight for it.

In the summer of 2011, I followed my dad's footsteps to get better education and I came to the United State. It was a new environment, new people, and a new school with a totally different system. My dad inspired me to be determined in whatever I want to do, to never relent in my efforts. And I overcame obstacles that at first I found to be a challenge. My dad made me a very determined person, and taught me how to handle any kind of situation on my own. Gazing in the mirror I see a person of honor, worth and integrity to the society, his reflection, "me" and I'm grateful to the person who made me who I am today: "MY FATHER".
Yuan Feng - / 2  
Oct 2, 2012   #2
I think instead of starting with some generic remarks, you can try starting with an anecdote between you and your dad, as it may sounds more appealing.

Also, I like the latter paragraphs as they show who you are as a person, and how your dad has influenced you. However, you need to include more details and show to admission officers how you overcame challenges and how did you feel, instead of simply stating that you have overcame many challenges.


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