Would like some editing on this. Any thoughts you have would be appreciated.
There isn't any person who has impacted my life as much as my grandfather. He was there for me when my own father wasn't. He was there for me to give me advice and support me when no one else would. He was there for me when my parents had divorced and I felt all alone. Up until the day he had died, he always supported me and helped me through any hardship. Although he may be gone now, he will always have an effect on my life. Through his strict personality and positive attitude, he taught me to be a better person and to always help others.
My father was never there for me. He was either busy with work or just didn't care enough to even talk to me. Due to this, my grandfather had served as a father figure to me. As early as I can remember, he was always there, whether to guide me down the right path or just to support me in any way. He would find the time to come to my little league games to watch them, drive me to and from school when I had no one else, and guide me down the right path when I had no one to show me. When I came home complaining about homework, he would be there to tell me I have to do it. He told me "If you work hard now, you'll reap from all the benefits later on." I can still now remember him constantly telling me this every time I complained about something. When I came home from school one day to see my father gone and my mother still at work, I felt alone. There was no one there who I could ask for help on my major science project that was due the next day. I sat in my quiet room, wondering what should I do. The first thing to come to mind was my grandfather, I knew he could help me through this situation just like all the others he had. I called him and told him what was wrong and he responded with his great advice. He told me there wouldn't always be someone there who could help and that you always should try to never rely on others. His guidance through my younger really shaped me into the person I am. I can rarely remember a time that my grandfather was there for me when I was growing up.
Through his strict personality and positive attitude, he taught me to ...
You mention this as your "thesis statement" but never really expand on how your grandfather inspire you to "always help other"
My father was never there for me. He was either busy with work or just didn't care enough to even talk to me .
I'd cross that out to make it more dramatic. If you want to keep the crossed out sentence, I suggest you re-word it so it sound better.
... I was discouraged from using them.because likeM y father would say, ...
The prompt is answered. I really like your intro and your conclusion because you can effectively portray your grandfather's impact w/ such brief wordings. However, I find your 2nd and 3rd paragraph a little bit repetitive. Even though this is a personal essay,I advise you to not use "me" so much. Look at how many "me" you've use in the 2nd para.
... served as a father figure to me.
... whether to guide medown the right path or just to support mein any way.
See? Almost every sentence have "me" in it. The first 3 or 4 sentence in this para. ALWAYS end with "me" which really drone out your essay. As for grammar and syntax, I couldn't find any major one, so good job :D
Good luck :) . If you have sometime, please take a look at mine. Thanks, mate!
Wow! I didn't notice I used me that much. I'll try to reword the first and second paragraphs. I'll also dive into telling how he taught me to help others and post my re-write later.
Thanks for the input though!
His guidance through my younger years really shaped me into the person I am. Add "years" to the sentence and avoid repetitious wording like "me". Good job!
Here's my re-write.
There isn't any person who has impacted my life as much as my grandfather. He was there for me when my own father wasn't. He was there for me to give me advice and support me when no one else would. He was there for me when my parents had divorced and I felt all alone. Up until the day he had died, he always supported me and helped me through any hardship. Although he may be gone now, he will always have an effect on my life. Through his strict personality and positive attitude, he taught me to be a better person and to always chase your dreams.
My father was never there for me. He was either busy with work or just didn't care enough to even talk to me. Due to this, my grandfather had served as my father figure. As early as I can remember, he was always there, whether to guide me down the right path or just for support. He would find the time to come to my little league games to watch them, drive me to and from school when I had no one else, and guide me down the right path when I had no one to show me. When I came home complaining about homework, he would be there to tell me I have to do it. He would say, "If you work hard now, you'll reap from all the benefits later on." I can still now remember him constantly saying this every time I complained about something. When I came home from school one day to see my father gone and my mother still at work, I felt alone. There was no one there who I could ask for help on my major science project that was due the next day. I sat in my quiet room, wondering what should I do. The first thing to come to mind was my grandfather, I knew he could help me through this situation just like all the others he had. I called him and told him what was wrong and he responded with his great advice. He said there wouldn't always be someone there who could help and that you always should try to never rely on others. His guidance through my younger years really shaped me into the person I am. I can rarely remember a time that my grandfather wasn't there for me when I was growing up.
As I grew older, he started to give me more important advice. He would tell me, "Never let anyone get you down" or, "There's always a better way to accomplish something. You just have to find it." I would always listen to his advice, no matter how small it was. He also started to encouraged me to find a passion. To him, he wanted to see me do something I would always enjoy and make something out of it. When I first discovered how much I loved using computers, I was discouraged from using them because like my father would say, "They serve no purpose." However, my grandfather encouraged me to look into them more and told me that, "Everything has a purpose." I listened to his guidance and now I'm taking computer science courses in my high school and still enjoying learning even more from them and hopefully will have my career based around them. If I hadn't of listened to my grandfather, I would've never brought this simple hobby of using computers to what I call now, a passion.
I deeply appreciate the guidance my grandfather had given me throughout my life. I wish to this day that he would be alive to see me succeed now and give me his daily advice. Although he may not be here, I still will be guided through the small talks we had and all of encouragement he had given me.
maybe change from....As early as I can remember...to...In my earliest remembrances...it sounds nicer
this situation just like all the others he had...need a comma after situation
If I hadn't of ...ditch of...you dont need it
your last sentence is weak
overall cute but typical...captivate the reader more, use specific details, did you love your granfathers laugh? what did he look like? what were his quirks? talk more
