The prompt is, "Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
This is my third revision, but I am worried that the essay as whole is not clear and smooth. Please give honest, constructive criticism. This is due next week and I am making the final touches.
Some problems I had:
- Not focusing on myself enough
- Awkward sentences
- Weak introduction
It is hard being a minority. For over a century, the liberalization of immigrant entry and America's reputation as the "land of opportunities" have been an invitation to many. However, that includes overcoming the overwhelming changes of a new nation, a new language, and a new culture. Such are the hardships of immigration that my father faced, at the age of sixteen and long since - difficulties multiplied many times due to the lack of connections, resources, and language. Although my father now has a solid educational background and a stable job, being a minority has never been easy for him. Upon thinking about the hardships he had when immigrating to America, I value what I have now and all the opportunities set out for me.
At his teenage years, my father had to grow up more quickly due to unexpected circumstances. His mother became permanently blind during his adolescent years and when my father was twenty one years old, his father died abruptly. These unfortunate events created more challenges my father had to face. He became head of the family and was responsible of supporting his four sisters, mother, and himself. As a high school student, he had to take late night shifts at a restaurant working as a busboy. The extra hours of labor on top of his academics highlight his dedication to support his family. My father's sacrifices show me his determination to step in his father's shoes and that is a quality I revere. His past experiences of setting his priorities and committing to them are habits I have picked up on.
Keeping my head up is a piece of advice my father has imprinted in my brain. My father told me that his college years were the most difficult years of his life. First, when he was in college, the untimely death of his father created financial problems for the family. This caused a two-year delay in his graduation because he had to worry about supporting his younger sisters back at home. Second, my father's focus was engineering because of his aptitude for math, but he failed the professional engineering license test six times before he finally passed it. Even though he was disheartened, his ambition of becoming a licensed engineer refueled his fortitude. Third, after he graduated, he had to work full-time to support his wife and him while attending night courses for his graduate school. My father's will to never give up is a testament to me and I always strive to do the same. When I am up to my neck in piles of assignments and feeling discouraged, my father's perseverance motivates me to keep pushing through. I set my priorities and work at it little by little to ensure its exceptional quality.
Another lesson my father taught me is to go out of my comfort zone. Throughout my life, I remember being the hesitant, quiet girl. This meant that public speaking was an immediate disaster for me, but my father encouraged me to keep practicing. If I choose to stray away from new chances because of my demure personality, I would miss out on great experiences. One such experience was running for the position of Treasurer for National Honor Society during my junior year. Luckily I won, but I would have had no regrets whether I won or not because that simple speech gave me the confidence I needed.
We both share the experience of cultural shock of moving from place to place. In my kindergarten year, my father received a new job with the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, which sent us to South Korea. Even though I was young, I still vividly remember feeling lost in my own native country. I had been accustomed to ice cream trucks, backyards, and Wal-Mart. I was suddenly placed in the busy city of Seoul replete with heavy traffic, chains of apartments, and black markets. After living in Korea for over 12 years, I have developed a fluency in English and Korean and am familiar with my culture. I am blessed to have been exposed to both cultures simultaneously. Once I enter the military base, I am back to America and once I exit the gates, I return to my native country.
As America becomes more diverse, I realize it remains important for minorities to work through challenges to get to the top. I am not afraid to be a minority when I return to America because the lessons my father have taught me will be in the back of my mind. Through my uncommon experiences, I can bring diversity to any workplace and accept any challenges. His story inspires me daily to be thankful for what I have and to persevere in all of my endeavors. He is living proof that accepting things the way they are and finding ways around them are not only possible, but also approaches to life that ensure success.
It is hard being a minority. For over a century, the liberalization of immigrant entry and America's reputation as the "land of opportunities" have has been an invitation to many.
... of setting his priorities and committing to them are habits I have picked up. on .
"Keep your head up," is a piece of advice my father has imprinted in my brain.
Once I enter the military base, I am back to America and once I exit the gates, I return to my native country.---- very interesting. This essay is one of the best. It is so well written, and it really is something the reader can enjoy.
He is living proof that accepting things the way they are and finding ways around them are not only possible, but also approaches represent the approach to life that ensures success.
