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"fascinated with building things- Vires, Artes, Mores are reflected in your life how?


koreanbobcat 1 / 1  
Sep 14, 2010   #1
For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

That is my essay question. I had an essay for UF and their question was describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

This is what I wrote:

Ever since I was little, I have always been fascinated with building things. My imagination constructed huge skyscrapers, mansions and vehicles I plan, one day, to make it a reality. This love of tinker toys I've decided to become a mechanical engineer. To help me prepare I participated in my school's robotic and engineering club where we redesigned a golf cart. The robotics and engineering club gave me new insight, experience and knowledge in the engineering field. While working on projects, I realized that becoming an engineer requires dedication, patience and insight I've yet to discover, whether its something like designing an engine that gets 70 miles to the gallon or a vehicle that increases a soldiers chance of survival.

I learned new tools and how to properly use them; how an engine operates and what each part does. I learned that an engineer must know how every little detail works, because a small tweak can increase fuel efficiency or strengthen the tension of armor plating. We also participated in the meetings to discuss future projects or what we needed to work on for the current one.

Of all that experience, the most important result was the development of my passion for designing vehicles. I have spent over 2 hours a week working on a golf cart transforming the humdrum into a work of pure beauty. From stripping it down to nothing but its axels and wheels to buffing off the rust, a painstaking task but one which was necessary. I was mentored on how an engine operated, took apart the engine block, learned what part each piece played and rebuilt a more efficient one. There were times when some of my ideas didn't work so I went back to square one and back again. When that moment comes your idea finally comes together and starts working, the feeling inside you can't be described.

I never dreamt that joining robotics and engineering class would lead uncovering a love, not just a time filler. The thought of the endless possibilities that can come with a little time and hard work, to be able to create something new makes me want to grasp the brass rim and change the world. I am a dedicated, indomitable student who seeks to broaden my knowledge and achieve my goals. The University of Florida is where I want to do that for there is no place better suited to make dreams come true.

So my real question is can i take that essay and just tweak the last sentence and call that my essay for FSU? Please add any changes to tweak it to make it answer FSU's question.
donrocks 5 / 120  
Sep 15, 2010   #2
My imagination constructed huge skyscrapers, mansions

That's civil engg's job not mechanical.
That's only one mistake and I feel you have bounced off the topic.
Let's get it clear.... You have mentioned Artes and if we keep that then other two would remain unanswered.
I would suggest no short cut here. You need to start from scratch and only a few sentences from this can be applied there. Because there you need to answer two more questions on Vires and Mores.

Also these are questions where only you can answer. Your traditions, Your moral strength, Your so on.

There is a lot more work then just tweaking required here. I hope this helps and post it up with all answers.
:)
donrocks 5 / 120  
Sep 16, 2010   #3
OK. That sets the matter a little different however, I would like you to still something more than this. You know the admission office would like to know you as an interesting person whom they would like to see in their campus. OK. So, let's give them I come here.... with these traditions...these qualities....give me a chance and I can add more color. Even if they write one, you will see most selected essays that they release on net have answered all and showing themselves as different personalities. Its not being full, when you show all three but showing your better person than others.

1. Did you go for any camp, activity where you could add in that you learnt the qualities of a leader?

2.You could even say,"Read a book so and so recently which made me think and wonder on moral values people forsake or something like that it can be linked that way to you what you feel.

This all is a part of your personality and if you have a chance why hide half of you. ;-)
Let me know what you think. End of it has to be your call because this is YOUR essay where YOU reflect YOUR personality :>)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Sep 17, 2010   #4
I have spent over 2 hours a week working on a golf cart, transforming the humdrum into a work of pure beauty. ---- I like this sentence a lot.

From stripping it down to nothing but its axles and wheels to buffing off the rust, it was a painstaking task but one which was necessary.

Pretty good stuff here. I think you can revise it to work for the FSU essay, perhaps for artes. But if it was my project I would condense this into only one paragraph of an artes essay. Make a new intro and a new conclusion! :-) Also, I think you should add a new body paragraph so that you can include a different example as well. I would use this only to create one body paragraph of an artes essay.
OP koreanbobcat 1 / 1  
Sep 20, 2010   #5
that makes senses Donrocks and thank you for your input EF Kevin.


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