Here are my suggestions:
"As I came helplessly out of my mother's womb into the opportunistic yet perilous world, the first words spoken to me, in broken English, were, "You rill study vary hawd." From then on my stereotypical Korean parents expected the best out of me. Laying down a strict and structured lifestyle, my young immature self believed I was living under the realm of dictatorship; however, as I matured from my mental state of a 5-year old boy, I have come to realize the love in my "dictators'" intentions as they sought to make me a successful person in life.
"Coming home ten." It was as simple as that, they said it and I did it. As I watched my friends with their more lenient parents, I was envious and even irritated by their lack of rules compared to those of my parents'. The largest nuisance of the list of laws is no television during the weekdays (I say "is" because this rule sadly still does exist in my house today). As a child looking to enjoy life I missed my favorite cartoons and of course the important news (ok so not the second one). I would go to school not knowing the updated news on Ash's never ending journey in Pokemon and of course, the worldly business that was occurring. In addition to this seemingly unnecessary law, my parents had me make a list of things to do everyday. So, on that list I would put my dreary homework assignments, seemingly eternal tutor times, practice times for sports, and those irritating chores. I found this daily ritual almost as pointless as the no television policy. However, as I began to hatch from my cocoon of immaturity, I started to see the motives behind these rules my parents set forth.
One of Covey's seven successful habits from The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (How should this be formatted?), is "First Things First". Now that I have evolved, my eyes have finally opened to see what my parents were preparing me for. No TV during weekdays helped me to prioritize and realize that homework or work is more important than entertainment. Once I finish that which is important is when I should turn to relax with the lesser things on my "to do" list. That is when it clicked, my "to do" list! They had me make this list so I could plan, prioritize, and organize my life. This once arduous task makes my life so much easier as I try to balance my school work, sports, clubs, church, and friends. And to think, I once thought my parents were torturing me; however, I now know they have loved me so much that they would take the extra effort to instill in me these lessons of life.
As I wait here on the starting line for that gunshot, I am confident and ready to take on the hurdles of life. This I know for my loving coaches are behind me cheering and my years of training ready to muscle on. And so, let the race begin."
You have a really good essay here. A few mechanical corrections, but your content is excellent.