Failure taught me how to succeed; " A time when you have experienced failure"

Hi everyone! This is prompt # 2 for common app: "Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?"

i think my essay is a little rocky, so please make any necessary changes!

I was anxious standing in the narrow dim hallway that leads to the gym. One moment I was tapping my foot rapidly on the floor, and the next I was rubbing my hands together trying to get the cold, clammy feeling away. Out on the floor was one of the girls trying out for the same position as I was, her exquisite tumbling routine flooring the judges, who were on the stationed to the left of the gym and neatly composed at their table, scribbling down comments and numbers on the scoring sheet, their expressions captivated. I continued to stand in the hallway, beginning to pace back and forth, trying to get the nervous feeling to set out.

As the girl walked out the door, the other competitors congratulated her; you could tell by the cheeky expression across her face that she was confident in her performance. Suddenly, I felt a wave of nausea and a feeling of dread overwhelm me. I was next. I began to walk toward the gym doors, my heart beating faster than ever and I had a ringing sensation in my ears. Why was I so nervous? This was my fourth cheerleading tryout, the fourth time that I've been through this; you think I wouldn't be nervous by now. When I made it to the middle of the court, I froze. Silence enclosed the gym. The judges asked me to preform my cheer, followed by the chant, dance, and tumbling. Before I began, I tried to calm myself down. I thought about what my parents told me before tryouts, just relax and put everything you have out on the table, this is your last year as a cheerleader.

I took a deep breath and began to yell the cheer. Perfect. As I performed each task asked by the judges, I became more and more confident. The nervousness came to a halt and knew I was doing well. When I was finished, I was informed that after tryouts there would be a list of names posted on the door of the gym, if your name was on the list, you made the team.

As I walked up to the tiny piece of paper, I felt the familiar wave of nausea; again, I was feeling anxious. When I scanned the list, a keen panic overwhelmed my mind. I check it again, this time feeling dismayed. My name was not on the list. Everything that I worked for over the past year had failed me. It felt like my senior year was being cut short. Parents and students telling me how good of a cheerleader I was would remain a memory and being a part of a team would become just a memory ingrained in my head. I was devastated.

Throughout that failure, I decided to join a competition cheerleading squad. Although the feeling wasn't quite the same, It was still exhilaration to feel a part of team and I was proud of myself for not letting a judge's decision bring down my confidence and tell me that I wasn't allowed to do what I love. During that tryout, I learned two very important lessons, which now create the building blocks of the decisions that I make throughout my college experience. Being successful, even in a sport, doesn't infer that you are allowed to be irresponsible and slack off; do not let haughtiness get in the way of reality, and most importantly, when you believe that you have failed, it's because you have given up. This gave me a new perspective on how failing can be inspirational rather than discouraging. Failure taught me how to succeed, and failure also allowed me to enjoy my success.

Hello,

It is good that you used a lot of the capacity you are allowed, the first thing I did after reading you essay was that I checked how many words you used. Because my adviser told me before that it is important to use as much space as you can to let the admissions officer know about you. Good choice of subject because obviously the cheerleaders team meant a lot to you and the way you tell the story says a lot about you as a person. It reflects how sensible you are that you used this setback to learn a lesson in life rather than wallow in your misery. It also shows that you are a mature person in the same sense. The last two lines of your conclusion are very good. I believe your essay is not rocky as you doubt. I think you described the moment well.

You mentioned " the decisions I make throughout the college experience", I just do not understand how it the lessons you learn help ONLY in your college experience? You might want to change that to "my life", because college is just a part of your life. Also the sentence that starts with "being successful even in a sport" although might be right it does not make sense how you learnt that as a result of your experience so I believe you need to cast more light on that part, discuss how it is relevant to your failure. Finally you said : "During that tryout...", I believe you should change that to "Thanks to that tryout" because learning did not really happen during the tryout.

Other than that it is a good essay, a tip I learned would be put it away for a while, a week for example, and take a look on it again. It will be like you're viewing it for the first time, with a more critical and objective eye, in case there is something you want to add, omit or change. Good luck and please check my two essays that I will upload tonight.

As the commenter above, I also checked how many words you used. I would definitely try to use the limit to your advantage. And by that I mean you should add as much as you can. Overall, this is a good essay. It's interesting and tells a story, I feel like I am you. Although, it is a little easier for me to relate because I dance. But I digress. Since you do have so much more room, 'd be good to add more about what you learned. Colleges want to see that you have improved, and that you have the capacity to improve further. I believe that this essay is meant to express that. I like the lessons that you have already, but you could go into more depth about accomplishments that you have made in the competition cheer squad. Just a suggestion though.

Oh and a little grammar mistake:


"Although the feeling wasn't quite the same, it was still exhilarating..."

Also there was this statement:


It makes it seem like you're already in college. So instead it would be "which created the building blocks... that I will make..." or something to that effect.

If you could check my essay, that would be great. I hoped I helped though and good luck!