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'expand my diverse knowledge' - George Washington Supplement Essay



loewilsonThreads: 1
Posts: 4
Author: Lauren Wilson
   
Dec 22, 2011, 11:21am   #1
Attach an essay of no more than 500 words indicating what most influenced you to apply to The George Washington University- My essay is 543 Words as of now.


George Washington University, being in the heart of the most cultured city in the whole world, is known for its diversity. For many schools and people diversity is something they strive for in education. In fact, example sentences of diversity in the dictionary include "The school aims for diversity in its student population," or "The University's commitment to diversity, specifically, appealed to her." So when thinking about the reasons why GW appealed to me, obviously it was one of the first attributes that came to mind. However, while I sat contemplating on my computer chair, I was dumbfounded at how I could make this example stand out among the thousands of applicants.
Yet, diversity is not just a word in the dictionary, or something that looks good on a school's student body listing. Diversity is ethnicity, life experiences, economic status, sexual orientations, and any number of things. At first glance, I look like an average enough woman. I am of average height, not extremely talented in any one sport, fairly good grades, but no rocket scientist, white skin, brown hair. However, upon deeper inspection I am unique. I play rugby, not the most feminine sport. I have lived in numerous states and have been able to develop a passion for different cultures. I have best friends from Spain to Iran. I have a self-motivation that goes beyond grades to develop a deeper understanding than what is normally presented in the classroom. Most importantly is my family. In your head you might picture a family like the Brady Bunch but in fact, I am a member of an interracial family.
My family has shaped the person I am today. They have taught me lessons that I might not have ever learned. I was born in the South where interracial families are looked at quizzically. Sometimes at school, peers and even teachers scrutinized my sister and me. At first we were confounded, at our house skin color was just something one was born with, like green eyes, it was not something one was judged by. As we grew up, we learned that our situation was not "normal" by some standards, and because our anomalies I learned many lessons about life.
Loving someone has nothing to do with looks, but everything to do with trust, respect, and kindness. I was shown first hand what it felt like to be judged by what I look like or what my family looks like. I will never take any one at face value, but instead, look at the person that is underneath the skin. I learned if given the opportunity, people would rather raise to meet the standards placed in front of them, than lower themselves down to meet them. I learned that with diversity, comes different perspectives, different beliefs and values, and a variety of "life experiences". I have grown to appreciate and enjoy these different perspectives as I expanded my knowledge of geography, culture, analytical methods, and what's "swag" around the world.
I want to continue to expand my diverse knowledge. I feel GW provides the best opportunity to leverage diversity with the best academic curriculum and professors the world can provide. I hope to use my experiences to significantly contribute to the diverse culture at GW.



cicy1994Threads: 3
Posts: 14
Author: Cicy Fan
   
Dec 22, 2011, 11:47am   #2
Wow, there are some really nice ideas going on. I really like how you talked about your own uniqueness, and the details you provide really makes it vivid!

However, I think the first paragraph is a bit redundant/unnecessary. I feel It would be a lot better if you cut straight into the main part.
Try not to give "dictionary" definitions to diversity. Explain it in your own words and how it most immediately relates to you.
This will definitely help to make the essay stronger in my opinion.

:)

Good luck on ur apps and please look at my essay if you dont mind.


loewilsonThreads: 1
Posts: 4
Author: Lauren Wilson
   
Dec 23, 2011, 12:00pm   #3
Thanks for the advice I reworded the intro paragraph

**George Washington University, being in the heart of the most cultured city in the whole world, is known for its diversity. For many schools, and people, diversity is something they strive for in education. So when thinking about the reasons why GW appealed to me, obviously it was one of the first attributes that came to mind. Diversity is variety, change, different viewpoints and ideas.


menukagrgThreads: 8
Posts: 139
Author: menuka gurung
   
Dec 23, 2011, 12:51pm   #4
Your revised intro is definetely better. Maybe the last two paragraphs could be one, just to make it look even more cohesive.

If you still need to cut out words, try deleting something from the third and fourth paragraph. All in all, very nice essay.

Best of luck :)




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