Question: "What event or life experience has had the greatest influence in shaping your character and why?" (500 words minimum).
Essays will be judged based on depth of analysis and awareness of the issue and/or challenge addressed, as well as creativity, composition and originality.
Pls, strong critique this essay. Does this essay strongly meet the requirement. I will appreciate any help that I can receive.
Connecting the dots looking backwards, I have realized that there are certain factors that has contributed immensely in shaping my thoughts, views and personality and in my pursuit for unparalleled success. Drawing inspirations from these factors: struggles, adversities, experiences, family values and morals, have been a source of strength in having an unwavering commitments towards accomplishing my career goals and giving back to the community. An immigrant to the US, I experienced difficulties growing up as a child amongst five siblings in a poor Christian family in Nigeria but with the aid of good parenting, I realized the importance of valuing leadership, setting out goals and striving with steadfast determination and hardwork to achieve them at an early age. My hardworking parents exemplified moral qualities through their works ethics and values that they instilled in their children that have resonated with me during these years of unrelenting pursuit for academic success.
Like every other child, I was not fortunate to commence schooling at an early age because my parents could not afford the cost to send all their children to a private institution. I was amongst those kids that were homeschooled till the age of seven when I had an opportunity to enroll into a free public school where I completed elementary and secondary education. Growing up in a multiethinic city, I witnessed the tribal violence that engulfed and turned the city that I once called home into a jungle. Confined to my own world and living every day as if it were my last, all that I sought after was finding and pursuing true happiness: achieving my dreams. Science was the key to unlocking my life's purpose, provided answers to many questions that I had and I resorted to it as a source to get away from the adversities and violence that centered around my childhood days.
During my secondary education, I fell in love with the revolutionizing power of science from reading about innovations; utilizing its concepts in classroom experiments and in solving real problems. Science provided plausible explanations of laid theories, refined methodologies to solve complex problems and ideas that can be built upon to create or improve existing innovations. Through scientific thinking , I could imagine the "Next Big Thing". This originality spurred my curiosity for science and reinstated the importance of education. Having cognition of the value of schooling increased my dedication and commitment towards my studies and my aptitude for learning. Being aware of my financial status that would have limited my chances of acquiring a degree upon graduating amongst the top five students in secondary school , I sought out other opportunities to fund college education. I learnt, studied and took the Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT) that earned me a Dean's scholarship at Voorhees College located in Denmark, SC.
Studying Computer Science with minor in Physics and Mathematics, I have demonstrated achievements in academics, leadership, community service engagements and academic research activities. Maintaining a 4.0 CGPA, I have served as the secretary of SIFE, and a project committee chairperson of the Voorhees College Rotarct Club. Being the current president of N.S.B.E chapter at Dillard University, I spurred the chapter's mission to reduce students' dropout rates by organizing tutoring sessions and career workshops at both Dillard University and New Orleans high schools. I implemented a "Reach One, Teach One" mentorship program that provided Martin Luther King high school students the opportunity to learn and apply fundamental science concepts to design and create electric circuit and functional robots. Deriving a valuable experience and a positive outcome from their collaborative efforts and contributions in the project, they felt empowered, developed a curiosity for science, and nurtured a passion to accomplish their aspirations. Also a Louisiana Alliance Minority Participation program research student, I have been able to hone my technical skills from engaging in research activities in areas of networking and robotics.
My journey towards becoming an Electrical and Computer Engineer wouldn't have been possible if not for hardwork, dedication that enabled me to acquire altruistic supports in the form of scholarships. Upon achieving a successful career, my long term goal is to establish an institution that will provide an opportunity for the less privileged kids, who cannot afford the cost of education, to gain prowess through technical entrepreneurship program.Upon completion of the program requirements and duration, they will obtain a license to start up a business and also, gain equal opportunity in the workforce industry. This program will assist in increasing independency, reducing illiteracy and improve the quality of life across the globe. Overcoming adversities and the fear of failure in life unleashed and strengthened my abilities, qualities, and development, but most especially, enabled my understanding of life's bigger picture: we are called to serve.
Quick revisions here (colored):
I have realized that there are certain factors that have
Drawing inspiration from factors such as struggles, adversities, experiences, family values and morals
As an immigrant to the US
work ethics and values
I was unfortunate
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Note that the prompt asks to mention ONE event/life experience. You included many (i.e., life in Africa, school and college leadership experiences, etc.) I suggest you elaborate more on your experience in Africa only, not your high school and college experiences- living in an African tribe is definitely a unique experience not shared by a majority of college students (i.e., can you give a specific example of a science project you've worked and how it helped you with a significant conflict that took place during your years in Africa? That could polish your essay- specificity is well-liked in college essays). Talk about how you were changed as well and include personal insights.
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Nice conclusion -it's reflective of what you've included in this entire essay.
