This still needs some work but is it a good start for a significant experience? Or would it be better to take one very specific instance and write about that descriptively?
Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are
When I was younger I always wanted the red skittle or lollipop because red was my favorite color. When playing with dolls, I always chose the blonde one because I was blonde. In other words, I never strayed outside of my comfort zone.
Growing up I followed the same pattern both at home and at school; I rarely tried any of the new meals my mom prepared or took on a different type of project at school. Instead I would stick with what I knew and was used to. I avoided change to the best of my old abilities. After my parents got divorced, my mother announced that we were moving to a foreign new land called Arizona. I did not know how to react; I was so used to my simple and unchanged lifestyle I never fathomed it could be disrupted.
On the first day of school in Arizona, I stared into a class of unfamiliar faces with eyes that all seemed to stare right through me. I was sure they could sense I was nervous and I thought they knew I didn't want to be there. Fortunately a classmate approached me and kindly introduced herself as Morgan. She soon became my best friend and I began to think the move might not be that bad.
In Arizona, I conquered one of my fears when I mounted my first horse. I practiced ice skating, which was a new and exciting activity to me. At school, I enrolled in an accelerated problem solving class and was upgraded to next level of math. Almost two years later, I was sad to hear the news that we were moving back to California. I was not in love with Arizona, but I was proud of the craving to change it sparked in me.
With a new sense of exploration, I now wanted to utilize high school as an opportunity to experiment with a variety of new (different/unknown) things. I fell in and out of love with a lot of activities on campus until I found those that truly interested me. I shifted through tennis, track, cross-country, and rowing only to discover that independent workouts served my interests best. At school, late nights studying became commonplace as the different classes I wanted to explore became numerous.
Though the move, I changed as a person. I established new life-long connections and bonds that are now unbreakable. I gained confidence to explore what interested me without the fear of being denied I was exposed to new environments through unfamiliar undertakings. Today, most of what I have is I pack into boxes every few years as we continue to move around Newport Beach. This has allowed me to eliminate useless clutter and focus on the things that are important to me thus creating room for change. Moving allows me to grow yet another step closer to finding myself.
Thank you!!
I love the conclusion.This essay has a lot going on and I can point out some areas where it can be improved. I think it would be clearer if you start with the movement to Arizona maybe with dialogue then illustrate using details how new experiences frighten you.
Moving on : show at which point exactly you began to open up to new experiences. For example, was meeting your new friend the turning point? Did that make you understand that new things may be good after all? What forces exactly contributed to the adventerous attitude you got while you lived at Arizona?
I think you should elaborate more in the conclusion it is a good point.
Overall I really liked this!
ps please check my thread and give me feedback! thanks
