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Essay on Volunteering in Chinese National Guard, common app


christopherpeng 3 / 4  
Oct 9, 2011   #1
Hey guys, tell me your thoughts on this.
i really need some feedback.
thanks a lot!

As my eyes met the pistachio colored government issued hat and the type-56 modified Ak-47 that was handed to me, I stood amongst a group of enlisted soldiers in the Chinese Armed Police Force. I was officially part of the Hainan Province's First Division Branch of the Chinese People's Armed Police Force.

Three-kilometer mountain "jogs" with a fifteen-pound assault rifle, loaded ammunition, and a Kevlar-armored vest became the weekly event. Four-Hundred-meter obstacle runs and pushups in the sand became the daily routine. Punching techniques and the two-step over-the-shoulder throw replaced football drills. My bed, or lack thereof, consisted of a plank of wood covered with cotton sheets. "Real" mattresses were only rationed to officers of a certain rank. Instead of discussing the influences of Ndamukong Suh on the Detroit Lion's 4-3 defense with my football team, I studied, with my "comrades," the field tactics and maneuvers in response to mass riots.

Officially, I was a first-year cadet. To others, my nickname was "the American." But I gradually became part of the community. We did everything from training to growing eggplants together. However, what I valued the most from that summer was the interactions I had with the soldiers. Heated debates centered on the influences of Chairman Wen Jia Bao, while jokes played its part in lightening the mood. Although I was from a different reality, we shared a bond closer than that of friendship. When I stood side by side with them through the mud, the sweat, the tears, and the suffering I became part of something.

I experienced first hand the risks of their job, their duty. From forest fires to landslides to terrorist negotiation, the people rely on the Armed Police Force. These men, without thinking twice, stand by their truths. I glimpsed into their lives of loyalty, honor, and dedication.

During that summer, I peeked into the sense that extends beyond an individual. The meaning when someone stands for what they believe in; when someone pursues, to the fullest extent, the fulfillment of an idea, a promise. A bond that stretches between two nations, two realities, and two individuals has the power to connect humanity as a whole. That summer is a distant memory now as I prepare to enter into a whole new world of opportunities. But I will always carry with me what it means to believe and become part of something larger than myself.
dyj921 2 / 8  
Oct 9, 2011   #2
I think there s perhaps too much description of your experience going on here. you should instead focus on what you have learned more(a short paragraph at the end s not gonna cut it). Try relating their experience with that of your's back in the US. good luck with the essay!
AmethystLiang 1 / 8  
Oct 9, 2011   #3
I 'm a chinese too. I think what you described is a very impressive experience. But I really agree that you speak too much of that experience.
OP christopherpeng 3 / 4  
Oct 9, 2011   #4
yeah i kind of got that feeling too.
Thanks for your input. i revised it a little, but i felt that by detailing the experience i could show and not tell. you know?

still i revised it and added more of reflection.
writer23 - / 1  
Sep 5, 2013   #5
My goals of becoming a police officer and joining the National Guard - essay ideas

Sorry I don't have an introduction but I am thinking of ideas!
Suzetbrk 1 / 2  
Sep 12, 2013   #6
Starting with an appropriate anecdote about the police would be a good idea. Also you should say the advantages that you are expecting from being a police officer, both on a professional and personal aspects.
skila92 1 / 4  
Oct 3, 2013   #7
you could start your essay with something dramatic like "Police officers are known as the safeguard in society. They risk their lives every day to protect civilians from evil. The sacrifices they make keep the world safe from destruction." Then ease into your topic or something.


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