Hi. I would like to get some feedback on what I have written for my college essay. I have never had to write a college essay before. The previous university I attended didn't require one, so I have no idea if this is right or not. I tried to answer the question about my poor academic performance in the past, and why I want to transfer. I would like any honest feedback about what I should keep, grammar/wording, how it should end, if it's being to vague... you can even tell me it stinks and I should scrap the whole thing and start over. Any feedback accepted, and you won't hurt my feelings. Thanks!
From the application:
An essay describing your past academic experiences and your reasons for wishing to transfer to [school name] at this point in your academic career is required. Students who have been out of school for several years, or who have a personal circumstance that affected their academic performance, may wish to address that situation in their essay. Your essay should be no more than 300 words.
Like most students, when I started college in 2003 I was confused about a major. I chose criminal justice because it was the only major that seemed interesting, and because I have several family members in that field. After two years of majoring in criminal justice it occurred to me that I was not enjoying the major, and my grades ...SEE BELOW