I am not an native speaker and I think my essay is awkward, silly, but can't find the way to make it right. Comment for me (note that i'm applying to some college but prefer taking a gap year if my favorite college reject me)
Before I wrote my application essay, I had been definitely confident for the reason that I got high score on literature and writing classes. I assumed that some essays wouldn't make hard for me. However, my belief broke as soon as I tried to find the answer for my essay.
I searched thoroughly every document that I could find in the Internet and even bought some essay books for myself. It was exciting what I got from those documents about how to write an application essay, and how to reveal myself in this essay. Additionally, I had to tell experience that says something good about me, something impressive. Days, weeks and months, I worked on my essay and this made me feel that I was learning to be a writer. Following all the steps, I dug into my memories to look for something special and wrote all them down in papers, which to my surprised were nearly twenty.
At the very first time, I chose my father for my essay's topic. When I was a child, I used to believe the protection of my father for me as the strict discipline. Sometimes, whenever he tried to prevent me from getting into bad things, I misunderstood him and hated him so much. However, I have been growing up. Then, as long as I become more mature, looking back at that time, I gradually recognized his love for me, his support for me as a whole-hearted father. Nonetheless, I was scared to express me as an immature person although latter I said a little about my realization awkwardly.
Crossing the old essay, I tried to elaborate on topic of friendship. All information showed that it would be better to write a story in which I had to prove my affection to others or my friend's affection in me. I thought a lot to choose the suitable story which could best reveal something about me. I have been in many situations when friends always played important roles. When I was a little scared boy, a little girl friend came to open the door of my spirit and opened her girl world to me. When I grew up, I had to face the dilemma between a good girl friend and a boy who was jealous with me. However, no longer did I play a melodious part for my essay. I was stuck to reveal me, not for any specific reason, but this kind of "no specific reason" did make me no one, make me no different from others. Thus, I one more time changed my mind.
I sounded dull when I started with the idea of failure and success, especially when I chose the topic of tear. I knew that a boy shouldn't write about that, but it was a part of me definitely, and there is no point not to choose it. Besides, if I succeeded, it would reveal a lot of me. I cried when I was a little child. I cried when I fail, when I feel lost and alone. I even cried when my dreams came true. For me, tears were like wiping out bad things and refreshing my mind with the promising future. However, "I hated saying this word", I stopped in the middle of everything. I messed everything up and couldn't understand what I was trying to say: my failures, my successes, my tears and what I was supposed to do in conclusion. I said too much, so my essay was not specific.
When my friends read the first draft of my essay, they all said that I was too honest to write what I had been thinking. They showed me their essay and showed me how to lie, how to bombast about myself, but I couldn't. All the documents I read told me not to lie, just write the truth.
I wonder if I should followed the tips of those documents or the tips that my friend gave to me. Tell the truth but get in stuck, tell the lie but not being myself. Or, I just write my essay spontaneously. There is one thing I'm sure that I listened to many other people, from the internet, from books' author, from my friends, now there is the time for someone listens to me, someone who really wants to listen to their candidate for your school.
While writing this application essay, I have learned many lessons for my life in surprising way. I never know my father is so great like that. I never realize how important my friends are. And I never before treasured my failures as well as my successes. I never know that I have done all of those things for many years but didn't realize. Now all I need is just a great result to deserve what my father, my friends and I myself expect in me. I have carved this in my heart: each essay is a chapter of one's life. Then I am waiting to finish this beautiful chapter.