I'm happy to help with some editing--you have a great start here!
nineteen years to create who I am today. Within these years, I have been
given the freedom to explore the world in order to satisfy
my curiosity toward all the strange and wonderful things in the world around me.
I grew up in a healthy family. I had an elder sister and a younger brother and this made
my childhood days more colorful. My parents
both had stable careers
and this provided us with
more opportunities to learn what we desired to. I remember when I was a young boy; my parents
bought us a piano. I
have been exploring music
ever since my sister started taking
This affected me so much that I insisted to my parents
that I also wanted
to learn piano. So I started my musical journey and continue it to this day.
I finally completed my grade eight piano with a merit. After all the
hardship I went through, success was
finally shown in my result.
I did not
end my music after I went to secondary school. There,
I joined the
Chinese Orchestra Society. My purpose in
joining this society was
to learn more about my own traditional culture's
music. I took a position in strings and my musical instrument is named "erhu". It is a traditional Chinese musical instrument similar to the
violin. Instead of having 4 strings, an erhu only has
two strings which can also produce beautiful musical notes as a
violin does. I absolutely love the erhu
and I have discovered
that with the my background in piano, I am learning
with tremendous speed. My teacher said that I am bestowed with talent and asked
me to keep up the good work.
paid off as I was upgraded from being a
member of the orchestra to a concert master. I am very proud that
I am able to take up the responsibility for the orchestra. This also proved that I can lead.
Besides having flying colors in my activity, I also do well in my studies. I applied
for science stream in my secondary school and I am now pursuing a degree for electrical and electronic engineering under the
American transfer program. After I complete
my degree, I will
have the opportunity
a stable and challenging career.
I know that the road
ahead will not be easy for me, but I cannot stop here.
I need to move on in order to reach my goals.
My success in the
future lies in my own hands.
Although it may appear that I made a lot of corrections, some of the changes I made are really just optional ones, to make the writing show off your accomplishments to best advantage.
Best of luck in your studies!