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essay on how i will enrich the college's community thru my life experiences, etc.


2012grad 1 / -  
Nov 23, 2011   #1
Help, I'm stuck and don't know where to go with this essay. I don't have a lot of experiences to enrich a community, so right now this is pretty vague.

There are many traits I possess that will make this University a better place. I am a natural leader. I find enjoyment in being driven, creative, and passionate in what I am reaching to succeed. I am focused and always have my goals in sight.

For example, in my music I study guitar privately every week and practice daily. I have also been a part of the pep band and the jazz band for the past two years, playing guitar. Also, I am a part of an active band that meets multiple times a week. It will prove to be difficult to live off of being a musician, but I am always more than willing to take the steps needed to make it into my career. This is where the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee will play a large role in my path to become a working musician. I recently visited the campus and I thoroughly enjoyed the Peck School of Arts. I would be able to fully immerse myself in this school, giving my utmost attention and knowledge into the Peck School of Arts.

Also, this campus provides many opportunities to become involved in activities I previously have not been exposed to. I often find unique things interesting therefore, I am very eager to become a part of many of these groups and clubs. I will play a role in the school's community through these activities.

With my dedication and focus, creativity and drive, I would greatly enhance the community of the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee.
Keerthika2014 2 / 5  
Nov 24, 2011   #2
"in my music I study " There is some grammatical error. Good start so far, but you will need a bit more.
Kenneth Tan 2 / 5  
Nov 24, 2011   #3
Be aware of your writing approach....

With my dedication and focus, creativity and drive, I wish I am able to enhance the community of the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee.

Instead of using "I would greatly", "I wish I am able to" sounds much more polite....

You have some grammar errors...Please ask someone to check your grammar errors...


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