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essay about being a doctor



mihirmjThreads: 12
Posts: 28
Author: Mihir Shah
   
Sep 19, 2008, 09:31pm   #1
PLEASE review and tell me how it is if i should change certain things or just scratch the whole essay and start over.

REMOVED

would this essay also work for this prompt: What would you, as an individual, contribute to the B.S./M.D. program at NEOUCOM? In other words, how would your participation enhance the class and the College of Medicine?

Thanks for the proofreading



EF_Team5Threads: -
Posts: 2,649
Author: Gloria, EssayForum.com
   
Sep 20, 2008, 11:04am   #2
Good morning.

Here are my thoughts:

"What is a doctor? What exactly do they do and why is there so much prestige associated with that profession? Well, according to the American Heritage Dictionary, a doctor is "a person, especially a physician, dentist, or veterinarian, trained in the healing arts and licensed to practice". According to me, a doctor is much more than that. Nice intro.

Ever since I can remember, I have always dreamt of a career in medicine and the reason is not for something small like money or prestige. The reason that I want to become a doctor is the satisfaction that I would get from knowing that I made a difference in someone's life. When one is a doctor, people look up to that individual when they are at their weakest point, and when they have no one else because a doctor helps maintain a sense of hope for the patient and his or her family. Knowing that I will be the person people turn to on their most unforgettable days, when there is no other hope and it will be my responsibility to solve their problem and possibly save a life gives me satisfaction that has much more value than any amount of money.

From the day I was born, I have never accepted failure. My parents would always tell me how when I was younger and did not know how to tie my shoes I would sit on the couch for hours trying to teach myself how to do it and ask my mom why I could not do it but everyone else could. I believe that the three most important qualities, which I possess and can make a great doctor, are having empathy, being a good listener, and being compassionate. Doctors must be able to listen to their patients problems and fully understand them by putting themselves into the patients' position. I believe that having a good connection with patients and being able to talk to people are the most important qualities that all doctors must possess in order to be effective.

Many instances in my life have reiterated my decision to become a doctor. Of all instances, one profoundly sticks out and has had the greatest influence on me becoming a doctor. The moment that has had the greatest influence on me is when I travelled to a remote village in India. Many of the people there were sick and malnourished but could not receive the help that they desperately sought from any type of medical professional. By seeing these people the one thing that I always wanted to do was return there with some sort of help and possibly educate them or at least solve a few of their problems. It is from people like that from which I have gained my true love of medicine and what it can do for people. (This paragraph would be more appropriate towards the beginning of the essay, rather than the end. As it is, there is no conclusion wrapping the essay up. Find a better spot for this section earlier on, and use this area for your conclusion.) "

I believe this specific essay would suit the first prompt, but probably not fit the second one very well. You could use it, but would need to add on more emphasis on the things that you would bring to the program.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


mihirmjThreads: 12
Posts: 28
Author: Mihir Shah
   
Sep 24, 2008, 06:39pm   #3
Hi, I edited it again and was wondering if you could give me some more feedback on it

By: Mihir Shah

REMOVED


mihirmjThreads: 12
Posts: 28
Author: Mihir Shah
   
Sep 24, 2008, 09:05pm   #4
I posted the old essay last time so im going to repost the new one sorry about that. i tried to see if i could delete the one that i posted but i dont see a way to do that so i'll just post the new one. sorry

By: Mihir Shah

"What is a doctor? What exactly do they do and why is there so much prestige associated with that profession? Well, according to the American Heritage Dictionary, a doctor is "a person, especially a physician, dentist, or veterinarian, trained in the healing arts and licensed to practice". According to me, a doctor is much more than that.

Ever since I can remember, I have always dreamt of a career in medicine and the reason is not for something small like money or prestige. The reason that I want to become a doctor is the satisfaction that I would get from knowing that I made a difference in someone's life. When one is a doctor, people look up to that individual when they are at their weakest point, and when they have no one else because a doctor helps maintain a sense of hope for the patient and his or her family. Knowing that I will be the person people turn to on their most unforgettable days, when there is no other hope and it will be my responsibility to solve their problem and possibly save a life gives me satisfaction that has much more value than any amount of money.

From the day I was born, I have never accepted failure. My parents would always tell me how when I was younger and did not know how to tie my shoes I would sit on the couch for hours trying to teach myself how to do it and ask my mom why I could not do it but everyone else could. I believe that the three most important qualities, which I possess and can make a great doctor, are having empathy, being a good listener, and being compassionate. Doctors must be able to listen to their patients problems and fully understand them by putting themselves into the patients' position. Many instances in my life have reiterated my decision to become a doctor. Of all the instances, the one that profoundly sticks out and has had the greatest influence on me is when I traveled to a remote village in India. Many of the people there were sick and malnourished but could not receive the help that they desperately sought from any type of medical professional.
By seeing these people the one thing that I always wanted to do was return there with
some sort of help and possibly educate them or at least solve a few of their problems because they are the people from which I have gained my true love of medicine and what it can do for people.

Being a doctor has much more meaning than what it is defined as. A doctor is able to guide a person through their most difficult times and provide any necessary assistance to the patient and his or her family. By possessing the qualities of perseverance, empathy, compassion, and good listening skills, I would be able to be a great doctor and help many people.

By: Mihir Shah


EF_Team5Threads: -
Posts: 2,649
Author: Gloria, EssayForum.com
   
Sep 25, 2008, 07:46am   #5
Good morning.

OK, let's see:

"What is a doctor? What exactly do they do and why is there so much prestige associated with that profession? Well, according to the American Heritage Dictionary, a doctor is "a person, especially a physician, dentist, or veterinarian, trained in the healing arts and licensed to practice." According to me, a doctor is much more than that.

Ever since I can remember, I have always dreamt of a career in medicine and the reason is not for something small like money or prestige. The reason that I want to become a doctor is the satisfaction that I would get from knowing that I made a difference in someone's life. When one is a doctor, people look up to that individual when they are at their weakest point, and when they have no one else because a doctor helps maintain a sense of hope for the patient and his or her family. Knowing that I will be the person people turn to on their most unforgettable days, when there is no other hope and it will be my responsibility to solve their problem and possibly save a life gives me satisfaction that has much more value than any amount of money.

From the day I was born, I have never accepted failure. My parents would always tell me how when I was younger and did not know how to tie my shoes I would sit on the couch for hours trying to teach myself how to do it and ask my mom why I could not do it but everyone else could. I believe that the three most important qualities, which I possess and can make a great doctor, are having empathy, being a good listener, and being compassionate. Doctors must be able to listen to their patients problems and fully understand them by putting themselves into the patient's position. Many instances in my life have reiterated my decision to become a doctor. Of all the instances, the one that profoundly sticks out and has had the greatest influence on me is when I traveled to a remote village in India. Many of the people there were sick and malnourished but could not receive the help that they desperately sought from any type of medical professional.
By seeing these people the one thing that I always wanted to do was return there with
some sort of help and possibly educate them or at least solve a few of their problems because they are the people from which I have gained my true love of medicine and what it can do for people.

Being a doctor has much more meaning than what it is defined as. A doctor is able to guide a person through their most difficult times and provide any necessary assistance to the patient and his or her family. By possessing the qualities of perseverance, empathy, compassion, and good listening skills, I would be able to be a great doctor and help many people. "

Very nice work! I only had a couple of changes! Excellent!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


mihirmjThreads: 12
Posts: 28
Author: Mihir Shah
   
Sep 28, 2008, 09:57pm   #6
Attached on merging:
NEOUCOM application Essay

I was wondering if this essay follows the topic becuase i wasnt really sure what they were asking for or where they wanted us to go with this topic so I just gave it a shot but I might be totally off. Thanks.

What would you, as an individual, contribute to the B.S./M.D. program at NEOUCOM? In other words, how would your participation enhance the class and the College of Medicine?

By: Mihir Shah

As my high school career draws to a close, I have begun the application process and am interested in attending NEOUCOM. Ever since I can remember, I have always wanted to be a doctor and the reason is not for something small like money or prestige. The reason that I want to become a doctor is the satisfaction that I would get from knowing that I made a difference in someone's life. When you are a doctor, people will look up to you when they are at their weakest point, and when they have no one else because a doctor helps maintain a sense of hope for the patient and his or her family. Knowing that I will be the person people turn to on their most unforgettable days, when there is no other hope and it will be my responsibility to solve their problem and possibly save a life gives me satisfaction that has much more value than any amount of money.

By exhibiting my great interest in medicine, I will motivate others, as well as myself, to be the best they can be and strengthen the student body at NEOUCOM. I will also enhance the class because by incorporating students from diverse ethnic and social backgrounds everyone will hear ideas from different points of view and be able to learn from others' experiences. Through my participation in this program, many other people, along with myself, will benefit because I will be able to share with others the experiences and other learning abilities that I bring with myself which will help strengthen the class as well as provide a better learning environment.

By: Mihir Shah


EF_Team5Threads: -
Posts: 2,649
Author: Gloria, EssayForum.com
   
Sep 28, 2008, 10:51pm   #7
Good evening.

Here are my suggestions:

"As my high school career draws to a close, I have begun the application process and am interested in attending NEOUCOM. Ever since I can remember, I have always wanted to be a doctor and the reason is not for something small like money or prestige. The reason that I want to become a doctor is the satisfaction that I would get from knowing that I made a difference in someone's life. When you are a doctor, people will look up to you when they are at their weakest point, and when they have no one else because a doctor helps maintain a sense of hope for the patient and his or her family. As I have stated in your essays previously, do not use "you" in formal academic writing. Knowing that I will be the person people turn to on their most unforgettable days, when there is no other hope and it will be my responsibility to solve their problem and possibly save a life gives me satisfaction that has much more value than any amount of money.

By exhibiting my great interest in medicine, I will motivate others, as well as myself, to be the best they can be and strengthen the student body at NEOUCOM. I will also enhance the class because by incorporating students from diverse ethnic and social backgrounds everyone will hear ideas from different points of view and be able to learn from others' experiences. Through my participation in this program, many other people, along with myself, will benefit because I will be able to share with others the experiences and other learning abilities that I bring with myself which will help strengthen the class as well as provide a better learning environment."

It seems your essay answers the prompt effectively; you explain what you would bring to the program as well as how your contributions will effect the program. You give examples but keep it short enough that it is not too cumbersome.


Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


mihirmjThreads: 12
Posts: 28
Author: Mihir Shah
   
Oct 3, 2008, 11:35pm   #8
As per our TOS point #13 (http://www.essayforum.com/disclaimer-privacy-tos) which you agreed to upon membership enrollment:

"13. Due to high volume of essay revision requests, we can only provide ONE revision of your essay. Please do not post your essay again once it has been commented on."

Moving this essay which has already been commented on multiple times to a new thread will not change the fact that it is identical material and has already been commented on.



Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com




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