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Discovering an interest in accounting - UTexas Statement of Purpose


blind527 7 / 34  
Jan 9, 2011   #1
Not sure why my last thread on this got deleted but here it is again...

There are some things I do not like with this essay, and want to see what others think. Please, have at it. I feel the opening is very weak, etc. What is highlighted in red, I didn't like. How is paragraph order? I feel like I need transition, or a conclusion. Ideas?

I discovered an interest in accounting during a financial accounting class. Having been unsure of my future undergraduate studies, I had chosen this class to explore different opportunities in the field of business. One day, in class, we were discussing the various financial statements, and my teacher had presented to us an annual report from Landry's Restaurants, Inc. In analyzing the report, I enjoyed interpreting and reading the elements of the financial statements, and how they relate to the monetary transactions of a business. Accounting came natural to me, and it was exciting to have finally found interest in a possible career choice. Understanding the accounting process has provided me with a feeling of connection to the world of business.

In my time at Elgin Community College, I have prepped for my transfer to the University of Texas by taking courses pertinent to the undergraduate program, such as financial and managerial accounting, micro and macroeconomics, business calculus, and calculus I and II. These classes have helped my academic discipline by providing the necessary developmental skills for the curriculum. I know that the knowledge obtained in these courses will further enhance my skills by allowing me to incorporating what I've learned into the disciplined accounting program at UT. I am eager to apply my existing knowledge in accounting to the rigorous curriculum of McCombs School of Business.

While attending UT, participating in organizations such as the Business International Students Association is important because it allows me to better understand the values, customs, and backgrounds of a diverse community, and how they relate to me as an individual. I relish the thought of helping international students with the transition from overseas, and look forward to helping them achieve a positive and successful learning experience at McComb. I also plan to participate in the Business Transfer Student Association because as a transfer student, I know the difficulties that students will face in adjusting to a new and exciting life, and would like to help new students feel welcomed in their transition to UT. Additionally, I would like to volunteer my time as a campus tour guide for prospective students.

During my free time, I enjoy helping others. In the fall of 2010, I had satisfied a long time desire when I volunteered for the Boys and Girls Club of Dundee Township. I was responsible for tutoring underprivileged children in mathematics, reading and writing, and speech. Furthermore, I taught children the importance of working cooperatively in group activities, and kept them active by their participation in sports. I helped children make friends, and it's a great feeling to know that I was able to improve students' social skills by enabling them to feel comfortable around each other. I did this by engaging them in group activities such as

As a first generation college student, the opportunity to move on to the next phase in my life is tremendously exciting. University of Texas allows me to fulfill my desire for academic challenge in which I'm able to fully utilize my exceptional social and problem solving skills. The school provides endless opportunities for growth and prosperity in achieving my dream of earning a bachelor's degree. By taking advantage of the university's resources, I plan on gaining on-the-job experience via an internship at an accounting firm. Although completing the undergraduate program is extremely important, I plan to continue my education to achieve the ultimate goal: earning a master's degree. After successful completion of the graduate program, I will apply my unique and disciplined skillsets from University of Texas in finding lucrative opportunities in governmental accounting.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Jan 20, 2015   #2
Accounting came natural to me, and it was exciting to have finally found interest in a possible career choice. Understanding the accounting process has provided me with a feeling of connection to the world of business.

- I can see your problem. This particular portion is quite generic in feel and substance. Rather than pointing out that accounting came naturally, why not mention instead that the paper you studied opened your eyes to a facet of number relationships that you did not consider during your regular math classes? Make accounting sound like something that you enjoyed because you learned something new rather than a natural ability. Everyone else applying for this course will be saying the same thing. So your goal is to make yourself stand out by saying something different from them.

I originally thought that this was for a fresh college or masters application, apparently you are applying as a transfer student right? In which case, your introductory paragraph can actually be skipped, jumping instead to the reasons as to why you are looking to transfer from the community college to a business school. That is more logical to explain since your past academic background should only be a mere mention and not an integral part of the essay. This will be the purpose part of the essay and should therefore be the foundation of the whole paper. Placed right at the beginning, you will find that the rest of the paper will flow much more smoothly and seem more relevant to the essay prompt.

I don't really see the relevance of your extra curricular activities at this point. Rather, I would concentrate on the purpose of your application and your personal reasons for wanting to transfer. That of being a first generation college student will create a strong compelling personal reason for your school transfer. If you shorten the essay to cover just the purpose and personal reason, the essay will come across as concise and truly interesting to read. Limiting the content of the essay to the most important reasons assures a better chance that the admissions officer will finish reading the essay and consider all the factors that you have presented.


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