Hi I'm sara . I study languages at federico II University from Italy . I'm here for asking you some help with this essay. could you correct it? thank you
Difference between present and past generation about stress.
Stress has always been present in human life .However , nowadays it knows a notable increase with respect to past.
The present generation are spectator of a time different from past generation ; a time which is never enough for doing anything you want. The reason is that the activities are extremely grown, from the school to the free time . for instance school hours are increased with after-school for improve the performances ;the free time can be occupied with different activity like gym , swim , dance and other several commitments ;The work too has known a differentiation : the hours are decreased but the work is always exacting so much so it often needed to bring at home .
In the past there were not many activity , in that way it was more difficult committing time. the student work more at school and a few at home . consequently , the time was spent through the streets . the work was more difficult , more hours . they had Less fun but spent much time with family . As a result the stress was less and probably one time life was different and better than nowadays.
At the end with passing of time the things seems to be changed in positive but evidently is not in this way. In the past there was less stress than today, it is strange but the increase of the activity is raised the stress.
Try to elaborate your essay.!
Use capitals after full stop ( . ) everywhere in the essay
. for instance school hours are increased with after-school for
correction:
.For instance school hours are increased with after-school for
Aside from trivial grammar and spelling issues, I would work on the concrete-ness of this essay. While college admission officers love thoughtfulness, it should be thoughtful rather than didactic--these guys are older, intellectually mature, and wiser than we are! Don't go around trying to teach them about stress. I'd suggest talking about a particular time you've experienced a lot of stress, and then launch into your thoughtful deliberation to close your essay.
Also, you seem like you're lamenting the stressed out lives of our current generation--while it's OK to do that, I think you should end on a more positive note...maybe how you're dealing with your personal stress? Some issues that cause stress in your life? Just my two cents.
P.S. It occurred to me that this essay might not be in the right place. The 'Undergraduate Admissions' forum is for high schoolers applying to college who need help with their application essays.
HI GUYS ! I write again the essay , could you take a look? thank you
"Difference between present and past generation about stress."
Stress is born with modern society . Better still it is a real disease whose causes lie in the frenetic rhythm of metropolitan life. On the contrary the past generation were not under the stress pressure. Hence not always the progress creates advantages.
The reason of stress in modern world are different , principally due by the increase of daily activity. The race to money , dissatisfaction , urban traffic , overcrowding, together also influence psychologically men determining a state of stress. Consequently everyone who lives actively their time is stressed; the children ,who apparently seems to have not problems, actually assimilate it through their parents. As their parents , children are too busy , not only with school commitments, but sport and play activity too .
On the contrary , past generation did not have such daily activity . work hours were greater as distractions were fewer . they spent their time with family . the cities were not overcrowd , no traffic , no pollution , but surely the service were not as today. Man lived in different way , almost contenting himself of what he had. As a result the stress was less , probably one time life was different and better than nowadays.
In conclusion with passing of time the things seems to be changed in positive ,but evidently is not right . In the past there was less stress than today, it is strange but the increase of the activity has raised the stress.
Give some examples and explain the example:
such as stress due to study,money pressure,stress to employer due to meet the target in time.
and also elaborate your essays.!
As their parents,children are too busy,with their school commitments and also with extra-curricular activity.
