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Devorce, man, woman, family - University of Central Florida statement.



km0416Threads: 3
Posts: 7
Author: M. R. Ierubino
   
Sep 4, 2008, 07:35am   #1
I'm trying to frame a good essay but advisors are a bit vague with what universities are seeking.

REMOVED



EF_Team5Threads: -
Posts: 2,649
Author: Gloria, EssayForum.com
   
Sep 4, 2008, 05:20pm   #2
Good afternoon.

Here are my suggestions:

"Divorce is seldom only about a man and a woman; families are often effected, most frequently the children. At an early age, I became accustomed to trips back and forth between my parents' homes. While many children of divorced parents find themselves messengers, my parents made a genuine effort to work with each other. Although most daily dealings centered on my mother, my father remained involved to the best of his ability. The irregular hours of his job made planned visits a challenge, but my mother was always willing to accommodate. While both parents shared my childhood years, by the time I was an adolescent I found myself going from two parents to four. Both of my parents had remarried, and my father's marriage brought with it three new siblings whereas previously I had none. Never having shared my father with anyone before I found that suddenly his attention and effections were divided five separate ways. Coping with these changes in my life has not only made me stronger and more resourceful but made me cognizant of the fact that the world does not revolve around me. I believe these abilities provide strength as I deal with people at work and in daily life, whether classmates, instructors, co-workers and/or customers.
Several qualities that I possess will enable me to contribute to the University of Central Florida community. My true strengths lie in my industrious nature, sense of integrity, reliability, and my value of the volunteer ethic. I began working two months after my fourteenth birthday, right after hurricane Wilma. I assisted my local Publix during the recovery efforts. While doing this, the manager took notice and subsequently offered me a job. I have continued working for them ever since. My sense of integrity stems from the examples set by my parents; I have a strong sense of right and wrong. Rules and laws should apply to everyone, not simply a few who lack power or privilege; we have the right to demand integrity from those we choose to lead us. Being unreliable is not only inconsiderate, but also disrespectful. Throughout my life, I have always believed that if I am expected to be somewhere on time I should be. Consequently, I miss very little school, have good punctuality at work, and (unless there is a great emergency) I never miss my duty to volunteer. In short I live up to my commitments. Valuing the volunteer ethic takes not only time and patience but also a positive attitude. Part of that attitude is the ability to work well with others and respond well to the unexpected. Whenever new projects arise in my community I am one of the first people called because of these attributes.
Thank you for this opportunity to provide a glimpse into how I deal with challenges while expressing some of what is important to me. There is far more than can be covered here, and I look forward to meeting the admissions staff for further discussion."

You've done a great job here. I like the conversational tone that you use in your essay, it seems to allow your personality to come through very well. A few corrections, but overall you've got a great essay.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


km0416Threads: 3
Posts: 7
Author: M. R. Ierubino
   
Sep 7, 2008, 08:31am   #3
Made changes suggested, is this more precise?

The personal statement is as vital to the application process as the form, transcript and references. I will provide insights into my personality and character while introducing myself to you.
Divorce is seldom only about a man and a woman; families are often effected, most frequently the children. At an early age, I became accustomed to trips back and forth between my parents' homes. While many children of divorced parents find themselves messengers, my parents made a genuine effort to work with each other. Although most daily dealings centered on my mother, my father remained involved to the best of his ability. The irregular hours of his job made planned visits a challenge, but my mother was always willing to accommodate. While both parents shared my childhood years, by the time I was an adolescent I found myself going from two parents to four. Both of my parents had remarried, and my father's marriage brought with it three new siblings whereas previously I had none. Never having shared my father with anyone before, I found that suddenly his attention and affections were divided five separate ways. Coping with these changes in my life has not only made me stronger and more resourceful but made me cognizant of the fact that the world does not revolve around me. I believe these abilities provide strength as I deal with people at work and in daily life, whether classmates; instructors, co-workers and/or customers.
Several qualities that I possess will enable me to contribute to the University of Central Florida community. My true strengths lie in my industrious nature, sense of integrity, reliability, and my value of the volunteer ethic. I began working two months after my fourteenth birthday, right after hurricane Wilma. I assisted my local Publix during the recovery efforts. While doing this, the manager took notice and subsequently offered me a job. I have continued working for them ever since. My sense of integrity stems from the examples set by my parents; I have a strong sense of right and wrong. Rules and laws should apply to everyone, not simply a few who lack power or privilege; we have the right to demand integrity from those we choose to lead us. Being unreliable is not only inconsiderate, but also disrespectful. Throughout my life, I have always believed that if I am expected to be somewhere on time I should be. Consequently, I miss very little school, have good punctuality at work, and (unless there is a great emergency) I never miss my duty to volunteer. In short I live up to my commitments. Valuing the volunteer ethic takes not only time and patience but also a positive attitude. Part of that attitude is the ability to work well with others and respond well to the unexpected. Whenever new projects arise in my community I am one of the first people called because of these attributes.
Thank you for this opportunity to provide a glimpse into how I deal with challenges while expressing some of what is important to me. There is far more than can be covered here, and I look forward to meeting the admissions staff for further discussion.


EF_Team5Threads: -
Posts: 2,649
Author: Gloria, EssayForum.com
   
Sep 7, 2008, 09:24am   #4
Good morning.

Let's see:

"The personal statement is as vital to the application process as the form, transcript and references. I will provide insights into my personality and character while introducing myself to you.
Divorce is seldom only about a man and a woman; families are often effected, most frequently the children. At an early age, I became accustomed to trips back and forth between my parents' homes. While many children of divorced parents find themselves messengers, my parents made a genuine effort to work with each other. Although most daily dealings centered on my mother, my father remained involved to the best of his ability. The irregular hours of his job made planned visits a challenge, but my mother was always willing to accommodate. While both parents shared my childhood years, by the time I was an adolescent I found myself going from two parents to four. Both of my parents had remarried, and my father's marriage brought with it three new siblings whereas previously I had none. Never having shared my father with anyone before, I found that suddenly his attention and affections were divided five separate ways. Coping with these changes in my life has not only made me stronger and more resourceful, but has also made me cognizant of the fact that the world does not revolve around me. I believe these abilities provide strength as I deal with people at work and in daily life, whether they are classmates, instructors, co-workers, and/or customers.
Several qualities that I possess will enable me to contribute to the University of Central Florida community. My true strengths lie in my industrious nature, sense of integrity, reliability, and my value of the volunteer ethic. I began working two months after my fourteenth birthday, right after hurricane Wilma. I assisted my local Publix during the recovery efforts. While doing this, the manager took notice and subsequently offered me a job. I have continued working for them ever since. My sense of integrity stems from the examples set by my parents; I have a strong sense of right and wrong. Rules and laws should apply to everyone, not simply a few who lack power or privilege; we have the right to demand integrity from those we choose to lead us. Being unreliable is not only inconsiderate, but also disrespectful. Throughout my life, I have always believed that if I am expected to be somewhere on time I should be. Consequently, I miss very little school, have good punctuality at work, and (unless there is a great emergency) I never miss my duty to volunteer. In short, I live up to my commitments. Valuing the volunteer ethic takes not only time and patience but also a positive attitude. Part of that attitude is the ability to work well with others and respond well to the unexpected. Whenever new projects arise in my community I am one of the first people called because of these attributes.
Thank you for this opportunity to provide a glimpse into how I deal with challenges while expressing some of what is important to me. There is far more than can be covered here, and I look forward to meeting the admissions staff for further discussion."

Excellent! I really like the changes. I did make a couple more corrections, but it looks like you're ready to go!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


km0416Threads: 3
Posts: 7
Author: M. R. Ierubino
   
Sep 11, 2008, 09:28pm   #5
Is this responsive to the U F challenge to discuss a time in my life and it's impact?

The personal statement is as vital to the application process as the form, transcript and references. I will provide insights into my personality and character while introducing myself to you.

Divorce is seldom only about a man and a woman, families are often affected, most frequently the children. At an early age, I became accustomed to trips back and forth between my parents homes. While many children of divorced parents find themselves messengers, my parents made a genuine effort to work with each other. Although most daily dealings centered on my mother, dad remained involved to the best of his ability. The irregular hours of his job made planned visits a challenge, but mom was always willing to accommodate. While both parents shared my childhood years, by the time I was an adolescent I found myself going from two parents to four. Both parents had remarried and my fathers marriage brought with it three new siblings where previously I had none. Never having shared my father with anyone suddenly his attention and affections divided five ways. Coping with these changes in my life, has not only made me stronger and more resourceful but made me mature to the reality that the world does not revolve around me. I believe these abilities provide strength as I deal with people at work and in daily life, whether, classmate, instructors, co-workers or customers.

Several qualities that I possess will enable me to contribute to the University of Florida community. My true strengths lie in my industrious nature, sense of integrity, reliability, and valuing the volunteer ethic. I began working two months after my fourteenth birthday, right after hurricane Wilma, and I assisted my local Publix during the recovery efforts. While doing this the manager took notice and subsequently offered me a job, I have continued working for them ever since. My sense of integrity stems from the examples set by my parents; I have a strong sense of right and wrong. Rules and laws should apply to everyone, not simply a few who lack power or privilege; we have the right to demand integrity from those we choose to lead us. Being unreliable is not only inconsiderate but also disrespectful, throughout my life I have always believed that if I am expected to be somewhere on time I should be. Consequently, I miss very little school, have good punctuality at work, and unless there is a great emergency I never miss my duty to volunteer, in short I live up to my commitments. Valuing the volunteer ethic takes not only time and patience but calls for a positive attitude. Part of that attitude is the ability to work well with others, and responding well to the unexpected. Whenever new projects arise in my community I am one of first people called because of these qualities.

Thank you for this opportunity to provide a look into how I deal with challenges while expressing some of what is important to me. There is far more than can be covered here and I look forward to meeting for further discussion.


EF_Team5Threads: -
Posts: 2,649
Author: Gloria, EssayForum.com
   
Sep 12, 2008, 08:10pm   #6
Good evening.

As this is the same essay posted previously, make sure you keep it attached to its appropriate post. Please refer to the previous posts regarding it, as it seems that many of the previous suggestions have not been corrected. Once they have been made, feel free to post the new essay for further suggestions.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com




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