Dedication to academics- prompt 2 for UC Admissions (personal quality, talent)

Prompt 2
All applicants: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Everyone has the desire to be successful academically because it is the key towards success in one's life. Coming from a family that values academics, attaining an educational goal has influenced my determination to be successful with my own studies which is foundation for my future. Dedication to academics is an important part of my success because I am be able to attain my goals to succeed with my education and be successful as an individual.

As a teenager, I did not pay attention to my schoolwork at all and focused more on socializing with peers; I took academics for granted and had no motivation at all. After high school, I had to change my values in life because disregarding education would not give me an opportunity to be successful in the real world. Enrolling at a community college gave me the chance of redemption so I am able to put education as a top priority. My first year was difficult because I had to re-learn how to study efficiently and schoolwork was a shock to me as I was not able to handle the demands of a college student. I struggled in many of my classes and at one point, I considered dropping my classes. I learned that I had to work hard because saying a goal to achieve is different from accomplishing it. My first year of college was a turning point because I had to overcome the feeling of discouragement and I had dedicate more time to my studies. At the same time, I did not want to drop out of college because I would be the same person as an adolescent that did not care about education. Quitting is not acceptable so I had to press on with studying if I wanted to be actually committed to academics.

I am a better student after the lessons that I learned after my first year in college. The perseverance and dedication has made me be able to handle schoolwork better and become a more studious individual. With dedication and hard work, I do not struggle with schoolwork because I only struggle if I do not study and have no commitment. Working hard in my academics has given me something to be proud of because by adhering to the advice of dedication towards studies, I am academically successful. I keep up the hard work because it is very rewarding especially at the end of the semester when I receive my final grades. I realize that attaining academic excellence is reachable though perseverance. My peers are glad that I am a great example of how to study hard and do well in studies because I have sacrificed a social life by devoting more time towards studying. By renouncing a social life, I am able to attain academic success that I am proud of. As an adult, I am able to correct the academic mistakes I have committed and be the better student that I am now. I believe that achievement of a dream is attainable if one is dedicated and committed to their work. My dedication to academics has motivated me to attain my goal to succeed with my education

the key towards the key to success in one's life.

... be able to attain my goal of s to succeed with my education and be successful as an individual. Say something more specific! :-)

I think you focus too much in this essay on the issue of whether or not you take school seriously. If you want to be a competitive applicant, mention that only briefly and spend most of the essay discussing how it affects the "person you are." And when you talk about that, talk about your specific career interests, and the specializations that you might choose within your professional field.

Read an article about a field you might enter, and see if you get some inspiration to discuss your ideas about the field that most interests you and any recent developments in the field. Just google around. :-)

My counselor told me to focus my essay on more of my personality. I have a good start though.