instructions: briefly elaborate one of your ECAs
Among all my extracurricular activities, the most influential has been debating. In the past I used to be a shy and reserved person. I spoke only when spoken to and kept my opinions to myself. But ever since I joined debating, I have become a much more expressive and assertive person. I'm no longer afraid to let my opinions be known. Debating has also taught me to consider several sides of all controversial issues. As the captain of my school's successful debate team, I have debated in many inter-school tournaments, on national television, and even in front of the former President of my country. I have also debated on the Internet, as part of the Global Youth Panel. I have won many debates; I have also lost quite a few. Whatever the outcome, I have learned something new from every single one.
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what do you think, guys? i hope some kind hearted soul will let me know how to improve this!
This is OK but a little dry, especially when you start essentially listing your experiences. From all of those experiences that sound really impressive, isn't there one short experience that you can add that would make me feel more engaged in the essay?
It starts out interesting (although I would eliminate the first sentence because it's obvious or you wouldn't be writing about debating) but fizzles out a bit here:
As the captain of my school's successful debate team, I have debated in many inter-school tournaments, on national television, and even in front of the former President of my country. I have also debated on the Internet, as part of the Global Youth Panel. I have won many debates; I have also lost quite a few. Whatever the outcome, I have learned something new from every single one.
The last sentence is...not too interesting.
You could follow one successful approach where you draw in the reader from the start with a personal experience, then share the first part you've written where you explain how you used to be shy, etc. With all of the really cool things you've done, I'm sure there's a great story you could share that would leave me thinking - we HAVE to offer admission to this student!
Good luck!
That's great advice, StillLifeWitHam! I've been thinking along the same lines myself after going through other such essays on this forum. I'm going to take your advice and re-write the whole thing! Thanks!
Don't be afraid to use infliction in this work, other than how and what you've done and where. It's pretty basic so far, but you can add something, specifically at the end, like:
Debating has changed me, given me confidence, strength and a reason to stand up and speak.
(Or something like that)
I really think your ending is lacking.I agree with dooleh.You should end your essay strong.Other than that,you did answer the prompt,stating how debating has influenced you.
Good Luck!:)
