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Dear Roommate - Hope you learned something about me!


areallybadninja 1 / 2  
Dec 2, 2012   #1
Hey, this is my first time posting anything like this and it has been four years since I've actually had to write any form of essay. Any help or positive criticism would be appreciated.

Q: 2. You are about to write your future college roommate a letter. Please provide the roommate with a personal story that will give him/her some insight into your personality.

Dear Future Roommate,
It really is difficult to describe a personality to someone, especially when it is describing your own. The temptation to become egotistical and arrogant is far too easy to fall to, so instead of trying to outright describe the type of person I am to you, I thought it would be clever to write you a short story of something that has happened in my life. Maybe through it you will be able to see a bit of who I am, or I should say, I hope you can see.

Many times in my life I have been the new kid in school but I think the most memorable time was when I was 13 and moved from New York to Ohio. While I had moved many times before in New York to different schools, this particular instance was one of the first times I had ever moved to a different state. The experience of leaving behind everyone I knew and grew up with was strenuous to say the least, but fate is not as cruel as some would lead you to believe. It happened that for four years prior to this move, I had been playing the clarinet in band and when I moved to Ohio, the band director saw it fitting to sit me next to the only other male clarinet player in the class. It was in that moment that I met the man that I would later come to know as my brother.

Brandon was the boy's name that I sat next to in the class. Having a common interest in music, we started chatting and before long found out that we had almost exactly the same hobbies. From that day forward for the next two years of my life, Brandon and I hung out almost every day after school, walking home together and going to his grandmother's until his mother could take us home. I learned more from him than I have learned from anyone else in my life and while life only allowed me to live near him for a short two years before I moved once again, I still cherish everything that I was allowed to experience in that time. To this day, I still consider Brandon to be my brother and while we may not be able to see one another as much as before, I feel that no matter how tough life can be, it is alright because it allowed me to meet Brandon.

In conclusion, I guess what I want you to know Future Roommate, is that friendship to me is a valuable privilege and that no matter how horrible life can be, it can also give you some of the most memorable and important gifts you will ever receive. I hope that our relationship can be just as rewarding and that you have learned something about me from this short little story.
Jareer1979 1 / 4  
Dec 2, 2012   #2
I have not time to read all of it but this is the first error i have found

It is really difficult and not it really is difficult

I may check next time more
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Dec 3, 2012   #4
It really is difficult to describe a personality to someone, especially when it is describing your own.

It is really difficult to describe someone's personality in full and it is even worse when you try to describe your own.

temptation to become egotistical and arrogant is far too easy to fall to, so instead of trying to outright describe the type of person I am to you, I thought it would be clever to write you a short story of something that has happened in my life.

Hey ... this is really too long and confuse me a lot :D ... You better re-phrase it dear! : )

Maybe through it you will be able to see a bit of who I am, or I should say, I hope you can see.

This again is a confusing sentence.... I : (I only hope that you would get a glimpse of my charater and personality through this letter and the rest is of course you would find out through experience.
OP areallybadninja 1 / 2  
Dec 3, 2012   #5
rewrote the first paragraph, I can see how it was confusing. Hopefully the second draft is easier to understand.

Dear Future Roommate,
My name is Matthew, and I will be your new roommate for the rest of the year. I have left this letter here for you in hopes that through it, you will learn a little about me before we actually meet. The following anecdote is about me when I was much younger and I hope that it helps portrait the type of person I am to you.


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