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That day was perfect; Virg. Tech college admission essay


erineh127 1 / -  
Aug 22, 2013   #1
At Virginia Tech you have the option of writing three 250 word essays. They give you a few prompts to choose from. For my essay below i had to write about the best day (so far) in my life. i also need help cutting it down, right now it's at 285 words.

I don't have to think very hard to know which day in my life beats out all the rest. That day was perfect; I would be content re-living those moments for the rest of my life. It was just the five of us crammed into a car, driving two short hours up to Oklahoma. Music blared and rung our ears while we refined our American Idol auditions. Our destination was Turner Falls, a breathtakingly beautiful natural spring. Upon our arrival, my friend leapt out of the car, ran, and dove into the water out of pure excitement. We sat taller and walked sharper knowing that the day belonged to us. I remember feeling inexpressibly grown-up and unrestrained. That day was spent wading through the cool blue water, eating pickle-flavored snow cones on a dare, and hiking treacherous trails. Hiking in flip-flops I might add. Wearing flimsy flaps of plastic instead of a more practical alternative was an oversight on my part, and endless entertainment for my friends. The many slips and slides did not bother me, because I knew there was always someone behind waiting to catch me. A few weeks later I was showing my mom some pictures from that trip, and I was shocked when she failed to recognize me in one of them. I realized she was used to the fake smile I use in our family photos, and that she had probably never seen me grinning that wide. The same photo is currently pinned on my wall and I still grin unabashedly whenever I walk by it. How we made it back home with all our fingers and toes is beyond me, but I am grateful for that one, perfect summer day.

Do i have to include some kind of message or lesson that i learned?
shadman19922 21 / 74 10  
Aug 22, 2013   #2
Your description of the perfect day is quite nice. But I don't understand why it is the best day of your life. Is it because your mother didn't know you had that unique grin? Is it because you had fun? IMO, I think you need to develop the "why" part of your essay.

I suggest you cut down on some of the details of the perfect day and efface some of the redundant descriptions at the beginning, about a 100 words, then use the remaining part of your quota to develop on your "Why"


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