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Curry College Significant person essay. PLEASE HELP



justinnormanThreads: 1
Posts: 1
Author: Justin Norman
   
Oct 13, 2009, 02:56pm   #1
Tell us of a person who has had a significant influence on your life and describe the way in which this person has affected you.



College Essay
It may seem cliché to say that my mother is the person who has had the most significant influence on my life. But when asked this question she is the first person that comes to my mind. Being adopted my mother has opened the door of endless opportunities for me that I would have never been offered without her.
My mother has had such a positive effect on me throughout the years. She has taught me to be the good person that I am today. Ever since I can remember my mother has always told me that if you're going to do something do it right. This has helped me a lot with work, school, and relationships. Learning how to do things correctly and not half asked has really helped me with my job as a bus boy. I always work as I can while getting everything done correctly which results in me earning more money in tips. Getting things done right has also helped me a great deal in school. I always put my all into my school work because I know that if I work hard on projects and homework the outcome will be very rewarding and worth all the hard work. With relationships I have learned from mother that putting your all into them is the only way to make them last. Every person that I have grown close knows that I am a kind caring person and will always do my best be there for them.
All in all my mother has shaped me to be the person I am today. I've learned to always put 100% Into whatever I do, whether it be school, work, or a relationship. I am very happy to have had such a positive person in my life.

Is this good enough? What should i do to improve?



LiebeThreads: 4
Posts: 749
Author: Faisal, Essayforum.com Contributor
   
Oct 13, 2009, 06:31pm   #2
justinnorman:
It may seem cliché to say that my mother is the person who has had the most significant influence on my life.

^It really is. And the reasons you have provided are rather cliched as well, because mothers do typically have 'postive effects' on their children and do try and teach us to be good.
From your essay, your mother seems to have done pretty much what most mothers do. Therefore, there is nothing unique as such about this essay.


EF_StephenThreads: -
Posts: 272
Author: Stephen, EssayForum.com
   
Oct 13, 2009, 07:49pm   #3
The comment above is pretty much on the spot. You're going to have to think of some really unique things for this essay.

Being adopted my mother has opened the door of endless opportunities for me

This is an example of a dangling modifier. It implies that you adopted your mother, not the other way around.




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