Really need some input, not sure if this is too story like, or if its a good enough essay to send into Wheelock College, Any input is appreciated, thanks guys.
Growing up with a younger cousin diagnosed with Autism opened my eyes to the importance of therapy to children living with this disorder. When the news about Paul's Autism was first brought to us I had no knowledge of the disorder, but I did notice something "different" about him. Although there were many signs of this disorder such as his inability to socially interact, his tendency to be alone, the odd movements such as hand flapping, and lack of affection were all very obvious, one stood out the most for me and that was the lack of eye contact. There is just something so melancholy in the blank stare of a child that I can't help but to want to reach out to them, to fill their lives with joy. Within time, Paul's behavior greatly improved thanks to the effects of Applied Behavior Analysis Therapy, and other great treatments. It was as if a whole new child was born into the boy we all once knew. It is an unexplainable feeling to see such a difference in a loved one, and that was all granted to us by the help of the dedicated individuals that worked with Paul. By attending Wheelock College, I know I will gain the skills necessary to help other children like Paul. I hope to someday be the one responsible for the growing relationship between a parent and a child. This will not only fulfill my dreams and goals, but also my heart with great success.
Kayla
I like the essay. Good writing. It describes why you want to attend Wheelock College. Does there have to be anything written why your transferring from another college?
I don't think so..this is how the college words it...Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. And thank you very much.
improve structuring. if u want to go into medicine truly, do the best u can not for money but for the heart.
Yes, the structure is the first thing to attend. Start a new para after this:
...out to them, to fill their lives with joy.
para #2:
Within time, Paul's behavior greatly...
And that last sentence seems wrong. Fulfill does not mean the same as fill:
This will not only fulfill my dreams and bring deep satisfaction to ___________. (?) goals, but also my heart with great success.
Good luck!! You have a special calling.
:-)
