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'confronted with obstacles' -your family history, culture, environment influenced you



IceCreamKohnThreads: 1
Posts: 2
Author: Joel Kohn
   
Nov 1, 2011, 01:12pm   #1
Essay: The personal statements are a very important part of your application. They assist the university in knowing you as an individual, independent of test scores and other objective data. We ask that you respond to two of the topics below. Your personal statement should be no longer than a total of 500 words or 7000 characters for both statements combined. The best personal statements are not necessarily the longest ones.
1. If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.
2. How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?
3. Why did you choose to apply to UCF?
4. What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?


2. From an early age I was confronted with a multitude of obstacles. My family helped me overcome these challenges, and become the best that I could be. When I moved from Germany at the age of 8, I was tested with a new language. My cousins encouraged and made it fun for me to learn English. Through this I acquired that learning can be enjoyable, and isn't a mere chore. When I was in middle school I got into a minor debacle with another student. As soon as I got home I was informed of the nature of my actions. This showed me that not everything had to be punished, but that everything does have a consequence whether it is good or bad. Morals were built in my head as I learned about gratitude, respect, and integrity. My parents never had the chance to pursue a degree in higher education, so therefore I was first in line. I was given an opportunity that my parents never were given, they let me know that it is the chance to become something my life. Responsibility was handed to me in order for me to excel in all the things I do.



beccalevesqueThreads: -
Posts: 120
Author: Rebecca Coates
   
Nov 1, 2011, 04:31pm   #2
Through this I acquired (ascertained, grasped, understood, learned?) that learning can be enjoyable, and isn't a mere chore.
I was given an opportunity that my parents never were given. You could elaborate more here They let me know that it is the chance to become something my life. Responsibility was handed to me in order for me to excel in all the things I do.


you've only addressed one question. the answer is pretty vague and scattered though.


IceCreamKohnThreads: 1
Posts: 2
Author: Joel Kohn
   
Nov 1, 2011, 05:33pm   #3
Thats because ive only worked on one so far. Anything i can do to not make it seem as vague and scattered, meaning any tips or ideas?


beccalevesqueThreads: -
Posts: 120
Author: Rebecca Coates
   
Nov 1, 2011, 10:11pm   #4
They let me know that it is the chance to become something in my life.

Your first sentence gives the impression that you are going to answer question one. You're very detailed in the first few sentences and then it becomes vague statements. maybe elaborate more? :)




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