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CONDENSING ESSAY TO 500 WORDS - becoming a nurse


omegakib 1 / -  
Dec 14, 2012   #1
PLEASE, help me condense my admission paper to no more than 500 words!?! I have 930 words right now, everything I've written is very important but I don't know how to condense it :'( I need your help... here it is... I apologize for the length in advance... Thank you so very much for even taking the time to read it ^.^

Although my motives for becoming a nurse haven't always been as set in place as they are now I have always, ever since I can remember, had the idea that this was the profession for me. My freshmen year in college, I did really struggle in my classes and part of it being that I was so used to everything being handed to me in high school such as study guides for instant. I had no idea what kind of study technique to use or how to handle the workload, and my study model was inconsistent. I would procrastinate a lot, and cram at the last minute. Thankfully, my sophomore year I had met with a counselor, who helped me figure out what kind of learner I was and how to manage my study time. What I learned from this is that instructors present the basic information and clarify questions, but it's up to us (students) to utilize their tools to study and learn. I have also learned that it is always a good idea to read the material and re-read before and after class. I've applied this to my study habits, and it helped improve my grades, and I know it will help me succeed in nursing school.

My mom always inspired me to pursue nursing, and the funny thing is that she always thought that it was my dentist that inspired me to go into the medical field. Growing up, I always watched my mom who was a home labor and delivery nurse, go to our neighbors' houses to deliver babies, and I always wonder why she was so fascinated with it. Now I realize it is the perfect job for someone who cares so much for others. This is all despite the fact that she had more complications than most of the patients she dealt with on a regular basis. Up until a couple of years ago, my mother had been hospitalized for many different reasons. Some major, others minor, and finally losing her life to an asthma attack. But, what I realized is that despite everything she had gone through, she still had the audacity and spirit to help others in need because she knew what it was like to be in need. This is what made her such a caring nurse to all her patients, and what has motivated me to help others just as she had in the field of nursing. Sometimes you need to live life in the shoes of your patients in order to understand just what shoes they are wearing.

I would make an awesome nurse because I get a lot of excitement and satisfaction into serving others. I used to always be involved in church activities like youth group. At Christmas, we would put together gift packages for the needy in hospitals, shelters and nursing homes. I remember feeling good about myself for doing something exceptional for others. One of the best times of my life was last year while volunteering at a small, very welcoming Congolese hospital. The hospital didn't know what task to assign me at first, but I told them that I would do anything even if it were just greeting patients and their families. I started off helping a couple of nurses with providing blankets, pillows, and other room necessities for patients. The patients remember me because although I was a little reserved, I always had a smile on my face because the whole experience was very exciting and because it felt good to be needed.

In my opinion, a great nurse should be able to see the nursing humor in everyday events. I always smile even in the toughest situations, and I think this is one of the many qualities a nurse should have. I've been told that I'm a good listener and observer. While I do agree with them, I would have to say my best quality is that I respect authority and my peers because that is the most important value I was taught while growing up. On the other hand, greatest weakness would be that I tend to be shy and quiet at times, especially when I meet new people but this allows me to actually get to know people before I trust them. That being said, I do try something new everyday, such as greeting the person sitting next to me in class, and joining study groups to help break that shyness.

I would love to be a Labor and Delivery nurse, and eventually pursue Midwifery because it's an extraordinary feeling to assist the birth of another human being. But mostly because I want to be able to empower women and their families to be able to have the pregnancy and birth that they choose. I want to enable women to build the confidence that they need to make this happen.

Someone very wise once told me "there's no secret to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure" and that is exactly what I am willing to do in nursing school and throughout my whole life. I am totally aware that my grade point average isn't anywhere near a 4.0 but these last few semesters coming to many hours of study and concentration demonstrates my willingness to learn and participate in the various roles and responsibilities of a nurse. I realize that the career in nursing will involve a lot of organization and commitment. I am ready for the challenge and looking forward to learning all the aspects of such a diverse field of study.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Dec 14, 2012   #2
Here's some help for condensing : )

Although my motives for becoming a nurse haven't always been as set in place as they are now I have always, ever since I can remember, had the idea that this was the profession for me.

... anyway, this line is too long : (
Although I was not as determined as I am today that I would become a nurse, I had this idea from a very early age.

My freshmen year in college, I did really struggle in my classes and part of it being that I was so used to everything being handed to me in high school such as study guides for instant.

This sentence is very confusing... why did you struggle? your answer is not clear to us : (

I had no idea what kind of study technique to use or how to handle the workload, and my study model was inconsistent.

.... My study pressure was linked with poor time management, strategy and my inconsistence.

Thankfully, my sophomore year I had met with a counselor, who helped me figure out what kind of learner I was and how to manage my study time.

....
Fortunately, in my sophomore year, I had a counselor who helped me fix all these issues.

You have the tendency to be too descriptive... Avoid that!
ththnho_tl 2 / 8  
Dec 14, 2012   #3
Although my motives for becoming a nurse haven't always been as set in place as they are now I have always, ever since I can remember, had the idea that this was the profession for me.

this sentence is too long and so hard to understand. What do you mean in this sentence?

My freshmen year in college, I did really struggle in my classes and part of it being that I was so used to everything being handed to me in high school such as study guides for instant.

My freshmenfirst year in college, I did really strugglemade many effort in my classes and part of it being that I was so used to everything being handed to me in high school such as study guides for instant

My freshmen year in college, I did really struggle in my classes and part of it being that I was so used to everything being handed to me in high school such as study guides for instant. I had no idea what kind of study technique to use or how to handle the workload, and my study model was inconsistent. I would procrastinate a lot, and cram at the last minute. Thankfully, my sophomore year I had met with a counselor, who helped me figure out what kind of learner I was and how to manage my study time. What I learned from this is that instructors present the basic information and clarify questions, but it's up to us (students) to utilize their tools to study and learn. I have also learned that it is always a good idea to read the material and re-read before and after class. I've applied this to my study habits, and it helped improve my grades, and I know it will help me succeed in nursing school.

My freshmen year in college, I did really struggle in my classes and part of it being that I was so used to everything being handed to me in high school such as study guides for instant. I had no idea what kind of study technique to use or how to handle the workload, and my study model was inconsistent. I would procrastinate a lot, and cram at the last minute. (This is not really necessary) Thankfully, in my sophomoresecond year I had met with a counselor, who helped me figure out what kind of learner I was and how to manage my study time. What I learned from this is that instructors present the basic information and clarify questions, but it's up to us (students) to utilize their tools to study and learn . I have also learned that it is always a good idea to read the material and re-read before and after class. I've applied this to my study habits, and it helped improve my grades, and I know it will help me succeed in nursing school.

My mom always inspired me to pursue nursing, and the funny thing is that she always thought that it was my dentist that inspired me to go into the medical field. Growing up, I always watched my mom who was a home labor and delivery nurse, go to our neighbors' houses to deliver babies, and I always wonder why she was so fascinated with it. Now I realize it is the perfect job for someone who cares so much for others. This is all despite the fact that she had more complications than most of the patients she dealt with on a regular basis. Up until a couple of years ago, my mother had been hospitalized for many different reasons. Some major, others minor, and finally losing her life to an asthma attack. But, what I realized is that despite everything she had gone through, she still had the audacity and spirit to help others in need because she knew what it was like to be in need. This is what made her such a caring nurse to all her patients, and what has motivated me to help others just as she had in the field of nursing. Sometimes you need to live life in the shoes of your patients in order to understand just what shoes they are wearing.

I would make an awesome nurse because I get a lot of excitement and satisfaction into serving others. I used to always be involved in church activities like youth group. At Christmas, we would put together gift packages for the needy in hospitals, shelters and nursing homes. I remember feeling good about myself for doing something exceptional for others. One of the best times of my life was last year while volunteering at a small, very welcoming Congolese hospital.The hospital didn't know what task to assign me at first, but I told them that I would do anything even if it were just greeting patients and their families. I started off helping a couple of nurses with providing blankets, pillows, and other room necessities for patients. The patients remember me because although I was a little reserved, I always had a smile on my face because the whole experience was very exciting and because it felt good to be needed.

I would love to be a Labor and Delivery nurse, and eventually pursue Midwifery because it's an extraordinary feeling to assist the birth of another human being. But mostly because I want to be able to empower women and their families to be able to have the pregnancy and birth that they choose. I want to enable women to build the confidence that they need to make this happen.

Someone very wise once told me "there's no secret to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure" and that is exactly what I am willing to do in nursing school and throughout my whole life. I am totally aware that my grade point average isn't anywhere near a 4.0 but these last few semesters coming to many hours of study and concentration demonstrates my willingness to learn and participate in the various roles and responsibilities of a nurse. I realize that the career in nursing will involve a lot of organization and commitment. I am ready for the challenge and looking forward to learning all the aspects of such a diverse field of study.

you should write shorter, not so detailed.


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