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"Tiger Mother" - Common app essay - How to measure success?


christies 3 / 8  
Nov 5, 2012   #1
Can someone read my essay and give some comments on it? It's okay to criticize.
BUT PLEASE DON'T SIMPLY CORRECT THE GRAMMAR.
I know there will be tons of grammatical mistakes, but that's okay. I will give it to my teacher and they will help me to correct it. I just want to know what do you guys feel about my essay. Thank you :)

Tiger Mother-strict parents who only accept perfect academic result from their children, who need their children to be talented and successful in the future

"Mum, if we can go back in time, be one of those tiger mothers."
"Why?"
"Because I want to succeed in the future. If you forced me to work when I was small, I won't feel miserable when I see all those SAT vocabulary!"

"Christie, aren't you good right now?"
"Not good enough."
"Christie, I won't do this to you. You can do this to your children, but I won't do this to my own child."

"Fine! If I have a child, I will bring him to learn French and Spanish. I will bring him to Kumon so that he can do Math in his head..."

Affected by hurricane Sandy, my family and I had to move to my uncle's house. That was the first time I met a tiger mother in real life. "Finish all these exercise by tomorrow, Ryan." The mother said. I looked at that ten-year-old "little tiger" beside her and looked back to the thick books on the table. "You will be thankful for what your mother did." I thought.

On the next day, I found out what Ryan mainly did during the day: working. After finishing my homework, I went into my room, got my pajamas and readied to take a shower. When I passed by Ryan, I heard some "click" sounds from the computer. I looked at the monitor. It was a website that full of words. "That's weird. I remember he was on Youtube." After thirty minutes, I came out from the bathroom. I heard that "click" sounds again. I saw him changed the page immediately. I realized he was pretending to be doing homework.

"Ryan, what are you doing?"
"I'm doing my Spanish homework."
"I saw you was on youtube."
Silence.
"Do you love to do those exercise books that your mum gave you?"
"No."
"Do you want to play?"
"Yes."
"Do you like the way your mother treat you?"
"Not really."
At that moment, I wanted to give him a hug. I felt sad and guilty. Ryan was stressed. He was afraid that I would tell his mother that he was surfing the net instead of studying. Because of his mother, he cannot spend his childhood the way he wants and I always feel tiger mother approach is the correct way to raise a child.

What does success really mean to us? To make lots of money? To be famous? Maybe learning makes success but life should be something more than things include in textbooks.

Life is a journey for us to pursue happiness. Follow your heart! We do not have to be the best in order to be happy. If I can be a person that people respected, I will be happy. This is how I measure success-being the person that you want to be.
polsestart 2 / 4  
Nov 6, 2012   #2
i think your ideas are ok, insert the direct sentences is dificult but you did well. good!


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