Common App essay: How A Computer Changed My Life

What do you think? English is not my first language so please correct any mistakes you find. Thanks a lot!

I still remember the day like it was yesterday. It all started back in 1996 when one day my dad brought home our first personal computer. Ever since I have been fascinated by the different aspects of Computer Science. I can always remember myself being a kid and having a burning desire inside me to find out how computer games are made and how the system works all together. This desire is still inside me and that is exactly why I am resolute that it is the area I am going to proceed my studies in.

I have considerately chosen to learn at *school name* to help me develop my understandings in different sciences like Math, Physics and Chemistry. They have all helped me to improve my analytical, evaluative and problem solving skills which are essential in many aspects of life, especially in Computer Science. Besides I have chosen Computer Programming as one of my optional subjects which is definitely among the most interesting subjects for me.

My interest in Computer Science has not only been restricted to school. I have also used my knowledge in programming to build a dynamical website for our class to post news, comments and discussions about our school life. Furthermore, I worked as a programmer in a web development company. I had to communicate with clients to understand the requirements for the project, work with other programmers and designers to successfully finish the the project by the deadline. I gained valuable experience in teamwork, time and project management. In addition I got a sneak peek of how a company operates in the inside.

On the other hand of putting hard work into broadening my mind I also take time to relax and have different types of quality time. I have just recently got more into cars so I bought an old-fashioned car and I am currently working on restoring it in our garage. Moreover I have deep interest in music, especially in rock music's history and also collecting rock music albums. I am also taking my first steps into learning to play guitar. I have also been a huge fan of extreme sport for the last couple of years. I love the idea of constantly pushing myself out of my comfort zone and doing something I thought I was not capable of.

I am very excited about the prospect of going to university and studying for a Computer Science degree and I hope that I am considered for this great opportunity.

Fellow web guy here. As a silly nitpick, websites can be dynamic, not dynamical.

Overall you tell too much, but show very little. Pick a specific moment of you programming and use it to illuminate why you like CS.