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"Collin, you look like a monk" Culture in my life - Princeton Supplement!


collindching 4 / 7  
Jan 1, 2014   #1
I'm having some trouble coming up with my fourth paragraph. Suggestions please? Please help, this is due very soon!

Using the quotation below as a starting point, reflect on the role that culture plays in your life:
"Culture is what presents us with the kinds of valuable things that can fill a life. And insofar as we can recognize the value in those things and make them part of our lives, our lives are meaningful."

"Collin, you look like a monk," was the frank observation my friend gave me when I showed up to school on a chilly October morning with a buzz cut. I had chopped off half a year's worth of hair in the spirit of trying something new, and I thought that I didn't look half bad with short hair. I smiled at my friend, knowing that his teasing was part of our ritual, and replied: "Only the most handsome monk you know."

My friends me tease for a lot of things-the way I smile awkwardly when people take photos of me, my penchant for leaving pencils and keys behind, and my lopsided sense of humor. They poke fun at me because they know that, even though I outwardly protest, I kind of enjoy it. When my friends tease me, they're acknowledging and accepting my imperfections. Plus, I get to tease right back (in good spirit of course, and superlative vigor).

Growing up in a culture of acceptance allowed me to be myself. I explored interests that compelled me and put aside those that didn't. Throughout the process, my friends prodded me approvingly. Reflecting back on my journey through high school, being teased encouraged me to be me. Now that the journey is coming to an end, I can say that my perception of "being cool" has transformed greatly. I see the ideal badass as someone who questions without hesitation, stays up past midnight working on Python projects, enjoys hiking because he admires nature's beauty, and loves nothing more than a good pun.

[insert paragraph]

Since October, I purchased a pair of clippers that I now use on a weekly basis. I've grown to really like how I look with buzz cuts. But it's good to know that whether I look like Dave Franco or a Shaolin monk, I know I'm being myself.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Jan 17, 2015   #2
Your fourth paragraph in my opinion, should reflect upon the value of this culture of acceptance became a valuable part of your life. As part of your culture, why did this trait become an invaluable asset to you? How has it shaped the person you have become? Your outlook in life? Your desire to live your life in the future? It is kind of difficult to expand upon your essay as you are not discussing something related to the culture and tradition of your family roots. Rather, this is a culture that developed within your family from the environment you were raised in. Try to reflect that emergence in your explanation in order to give the admissions officer a better idea of how and why you would come to value this "culture" when it would only be seen as a common part of life for most people. You also need to expand upon the closing paragraph. Try to bat for at least 5 sentences in closing in order to make it look balanced with the rest of the essay paragraphs.


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