gemma2345 5 / 15 Dec 24, 2009 #1Prompt: write page 217 of your 300 paged autobiographyLooking around the hospital, I felt fulfilled. I had spent many years building this hospital and with the help of my very supportive husband, I had completed it .This was the third hospital I had built over the years. For fifteen years I concentrated on improving my country and other select countries in Africa. By building more hospitals with modern facilities, I was able to reduce the rate of maternal and infant mortality very drastically. I also established various voluntary organizations that concentrated on various aspects of my country's problems. The environmental organization which aimed at providing a cleaner and healthier environment helped me to reduce malaria to the minimum. I had also spent many years providing free education and public health for the people of Nigeria in collaboration with the minitry of health. With the help of the Nigerian government, I was able to improve the medical system in Nigeria.All the years I had toiled to achieve my dreams were behind me and my past seemed like a distant memory. However, my mind kept drifting to a particular place in my past...the University of Pennsylvania. "U-Penn" I thought to myself. Looking back now, I wonder where I'd have been right now without that wonderful school.The University of Pennsylvania had shaped my dreams into reality. It made me realize that I had ample opportunities to make a difference in the lives of others. It empowered me not only to succeed with a personal and professional life but also to make a positive impact on my country and the world in general."Doctor", a nurse called as she gently tapped my hand, pulling me away from my thoughts. "A patient has just arrived with cardiopulmonary arrest" she said. It was time to do what I loved the most; what U-Penn had thought me how to do best- save a person's life.this is my second draft..i'd like to know what you guys think
dingpx - / 11 Dec 25, 2009 #2Very good essay and creative idea.But please take another moment to think of a autobiography, the language should be discription, and mainly focuses on yourself, you're telling story.Looking around the hospital, I felt fulfilled with ? satisfaction? ]I had spent many years building I had been buildign this hospital for many years, and with the help of my very supportive husband, I had completed it .This was the third hospital I had built over the years.