My attempt at the UC Prompt 1 Essay
I'm not sure if I addressed the question properly?
All comments/feedback greatly appreciated. Thanks
Question:
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Response:
I come from two worlds - one which embodies my American lifestyle, the other my Chinese upbringing. These two worlds, though different, have both affected my life. Living in California has influenced my ever-changing thoughts and interests, but my Chinese background has laid the foundation for how I view the world.
Both of my parents emigrated from Hong Kong to California as teenagers in pursuit of the American Dream. They were the first in their families to attend college and receive a degree. Through their hard work, they have paved a path of opportunities for my brother and me.
My brother and I grew up as Asian Americans in a predominantly Caucasian neighborhood. Though I do not remember much of my first few years there, I do recall being rattled when my mother announced we were moving to China. I could hardly comprehend what living in an utterly different and rapidly changing world might entail.
In China, my family and I lived comfortably as Westerners in an expat housing commune. Though we lived in the teeming city of Beijing, my limited knowledge blinded me from most of the hardships of the world beyond the gates of my community. Three years after we settled down, we abruptly headed back to California. We returned to our previous home, as if nothing had changed. But living in China had created a gap that separated me from my old friends. This gap widened when I went to an all girls' school fifteen minutes away from home. My school, however, provided me with new opportunities to discover my identity.
One opportunity that my school presented me with allowed me to merge my American and Chinese worlds into one. During my junior year, my school sent my entire class to China as part of a program to educate students about other cultures. This time a visitor, I was preoccupied with the excitement of returning and overwhelmed with a sense of nostalgia. On this trip, I was exposed to the many different worlds within China. We interviewed a range of men, women and students, experienced a dinner with a rural Chinese family, and shadowed the IDEO office in Shanghai. These experiences opened my eyes to the other developments occurring in China, issues of a greater scope than the trivialities of my personal experiences.
Returning to China with a different perspective allowed me to grasp the idea that I am not separately defined by these worlds but instead am a product of the two. Living in China, I was exposed to a different life than I would not have seen otherwise. While the confrontation by beggars and sight of bare-bottomed babies shocked my classmates, I was familiar with these sights. My Chinese history and upbringing have taught me to be open to new ideas and cultures as well as the important principles of diligence, self-sufficiency, and gratitude.
With my foundation and past experiences, I have become comfortable with my two worlds but have also discovered how the two can interact. Having observed the disparities between California and China, I have noticed the best products are developed from a combination of ideas. My upbringing allows me to look at a situation from different perspectives. As a hybrid of two distinct cultures, I want to combine my interests of art and design with a quality education to challenge already existing creations and make new products, whether it may be revolutionary or even as simple as a new music player. My background of two different worlds is the first step that will allow me to become a part of the 21st century's global community.
This is very impressive. It wins me over, in the sense that I get a feeling you are intelligent and sensible -- able to express yourself gracefully and clearly.
I think the way to make it better would be to go into more detail about how the influence of this upbringing has informed your decisions about college and career. It will be great if you can incorporate some SPECIFIC college aspirations into the conclusion paragraph -- especially if they show why this school is the best choice for you.
