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Chicken Tikka Masala- U Penn supplement (optional)


wapogod 1 / 1  
Jan 1, 2012   #1
UPenn supplemental essay(optional essay): "Introduce yourself to Penn. Our aim is to better understand how your identity, talents, and background guide your day-to-day experiences." Approx 150 words

I love Chicken Tikka Masala. It was an Indian dish that I had the chance to try for the first time when I went back to England to attend the Harrow School in eighth grade. In the eight years that I spent overseas in Hong Kong and London, I had the opportunity to experience many sorts of things. I have definitely developed a willingness to experience new cuisines and music as well as being interested in learning about other cultures and religions. There is nothing I enjoy more than immersing myself in different cultures and learning about how people around the world live. Whether I'm sampling an Indian dish or Oriental music, my experiences have led me to appreciate the diversity of culture in the world. My exposure to these different cultures has definitely led to my developing a more open mind, something that I think is crucial in the classroom as well as out of it.

Mine is 157 words, they want around 150

It would be awesome if you guys could help me out on this one, I'd truly appreciate it.

Thanks so much :)
nkprasad12 5 / 18  
Jan 1, 2012   #2
First, you have impeccable taste in food.

"I have definitely developed a willingness to experience new cuisines and music as well as being interested in learning about other cultures and religions." - this sentence seems like semi-redundant (and grammatically dubious) filler to me. I suggest removing it and mentioning your willingness to try different foods and cultures in the surrounding sentences. Use the extra words (if any) to start with a zazzy description of Chicken Tikka Masala; I think that, while maybe overdone, would provide a more interesting start.


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