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'celebrate another year on this planet ' - (Creative prank) Caltech supplement


banjofood 2 / 3  
Jan 3, 2012   #1
I need some feedback please on my supplemental short answer for Caltech. Any kind of help will be much appreciated. Thank You!

Caltech students have long been known for their quirky sense of humor and creative pranks. Please describe an unusual way in which you have fun.

The 23rd of June is steadily approaching and as I am excited to celebrate another year on this planet I am also a bit anxious. Not because of the added responsibilities that come attached to being a year older, but because of a pact, honored by a few close friends of mine, that we share on everyone's birthday.

Every time one of us becomes a year older, the other members of the group must egg the birthday boy/girl. The exciting part of it is that as we know that we are going to be drenched in the contents of an egg, we do not know when or where it will happen. As most people would fear a disgusting outcome, my friends and I take great pride in making sure that special person remembers and enjoys every second of it.

The origin of this ridiculous idea is unknown. One might say that something like this was inevitable because of the creative minds of intelligent high school students compiled with the constant desire to seek out enjoyment. Even though we irritate parents and school security officers, one must praise the amount of effort put into each egging.
janeth 3 / 16  
Jan 3, 2012   #2
ON YOUR EDITED VERSION

I think this should reflect on your funny side also..i like the moderation of sentences..you should have short,long,medium,short and all so i think you misses out on that in the edited version.

The 23rd of June is steadily approaching and though I am excited to celebrate another year on this planet I am also a bit anxious.

he 23rd of June is steadily approaching.(short) Although ,I am excited to celebrate another year on this planet i think celebrate another year of my existence would be nicer

although I'm excited to celebrate another year of my existence,I am also a bit anxious .(medium)
I am not anxious because of the added responsibilities that come attached to being a year older, but because of a pact I share with a few close friends of mine. feels wrong repetitive,ANXIOUS AND ANXIOUS..i think Alexxis did it beautifully,

the added responsibilities that come attached to being a year older contribute to my mixed feelings, a birthday pact between a few close friends of mine is the true source.(long)Reword it to fit the flow

Every time one of us becomes a year older ,just say birthday..that fits more...
the other members of the group (i think you loose the friendship here,i'd rather you use friendly terms) must egg the birthday person. Although it sounds simple and childish, (explain the fun part about it instead of simple and childish..i feel like this should go!) the exciting part of it is that it is a surprise when and where it will happen. Although most people would fear a disgusting outcome like this, my friends and I take great pride in making sure that special person remembers and enjoys every second of it.

We do not really know how or why this ridiculous idea was created ,(a no to admission officer,why not
This is a ridiculous idea.However one might say that something like this wasit was inevitable /bound to happen/only natural (feel more explanatory than inevitable!) because of the creative minds of intelligent high school students compiled with the constant desire to seek out enjoyment. Even though we irritate parents and school security officers, one must praise the amount of effort put into each egging. try to make it positive in the angle of amusement your parents and officers derive too,you don't want to sound annoying and rebellious
OP banjofood 2 / 3  
Jan 3, 2012   #3
Thanks a lot. The second edit is a much shorter and more concise.


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