The director raises his arms, agitates his baton, and the glorious melody starts. Everyone follows their leader, playing their own instrument. Despite the fact each produces a different tune at different frequencies, it is the final product
|the one that impacts the crowd and fills the room with magnificent melody. They are a community.
A community is a conglomeration of individuals who share a common interest. In an orchestra the love for music is a common feeling for all its members.
Every member is important or the community would not work to its optimum. The musicians need
as much their instruments as much as they need each other and their director. Without a director, the music would not be harmonious; without the musicians, no music at all could be played.
Being part of this community has helped me become persistent. I have been able to play songs that are challenging for me, despite their difficulty I go for them. Band has helped me to become a goal achiever.
You've got some good ideas going for you here! However, I think you should focus more on how being a part of an orchestra has influenced you and why it is so significant to you, because that's what's really important here. Overall though, good job and keep working! There's some awkward phrases/grammar in there, but you did a nice job and I like your topic. Best of luck! (I'm apply to Brown too (: )