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board member of our high school student government, experiences you have had


vinsic 1 / 1  
Aug 19, 2010   #1
Pls. Post your comments regarding my essay, i really need your ideas. I have to submit my essay tomorrow morning. >.<

In my life, I've had many experiences that have shaped me into the person I am today. Aristotle once said, "Knowing oneself, is the beginning of all wisdom," and not only is that the finest lesson one can ever learn, it's the only lesson one can learn that is not in the perimeters of a classroom, but it can only be self-discovered, by learning from the greatest teacher: ourselves what we are right now is the result of what we have been through in the past. All of the experiences that we have encountered in our past have influenced us in becoming the person that we are living today.

There is one significant experience that helped me boost my self confidence back then. It was when I was in my first year of high school. I was convinced to run by my peers as a board member of our high school student government. As a new student with a few acquaintances and a very low confidence level, I have slowly learned to know my strengths and understand my weaknesses as the campaign days pass by and went on. I started to develop confidence, and I have improved myself on public speaking and learned more about myself through the campaign. With a lot of help from our Lord Father and by just being myself, I won.

In my second year as a high school student, I was convinced by my friends to try and run as a councilor of our School's Student Body Government, but unfortunately I have lost to one of my friends, and it was close. I guess I just have to believe in my fate and trust God, for he has other plans for me in my life and that`s the reason why I lost the elections. At the end of the day, I have learned that I shouldn`t hesitate to face new challenges, so I'll keep on facing challenges, whether I win or lose, so that I can be a better person. All I have to do is to believe in my own strength.

As a senior, I`m trying to do my very best to help my fellow schoolmates in every way I can, and those experiences aren't hindrances to give up on what I believed is right, but instead they have become my inspiration to do what I know is right.
eforum10 - / 1  
Aug 19, 2010   #2
Dear Mathew,

The topic of your essay is a worthy one for the reader to get interested in what you have to say next. The topic you started with is "The person what we are now is the product of experiences we have gone through in the past." If this is the topic you need to develop, using your experiences, then you need to elaborate on your experiences, which I see you mention two of them you experienced in high school. Discuss how those two experiences helped you improve your self-confidence, along with your faith in God. How those two events in high school (in one you were a winner, but in the other not) helped you or challenged you in your quest for finding the strength in you? Did believing in God make you handle your success of the first experience with equanimity? What challenges did you face? How did those challenges help you improve your self-confidence? Did the challlenges kindle in you more determination not to give up?

If your topic is the impact of the past experiences on a person's actions in the present, you need to tie your own experiences of the past to your own being what you are today: How did your experiences change you for the person you are today?

Best,

online tutor for english
OP vinsic 1 / 1  
Aug 19, 2010   #3
Thanks for the advice. :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Aug 21, 2010   #4
Aristotle once said, "Knowing oneself,

I think this expression has been said to come from a few different people, including Socrates... but I have not seen any book that says it is a quote by Aristotle. Please check to make sure you are not mistaken. I think it is better to say Socrates.

Here is a good idea:
I started to develop confidence, and I have improved myself my public speaking ability and learned more about myself through the campaign.

Be careful of this typo:
As a senior, I`m trying
I think there is an extra space between the ' and the "m"

I like the ending! It is a little long, though. Let's divide it into 2 sentences.
As a senior, I'm trying doing my very best to help my fellow schoolmates in every way I can, and those experiences aren't hindrances to give up on my pursuit of what I believed believe is right. Inst ead they have become my inspiration to do what I know is right.

:-)

Matthew and Susen, it's nice that you are participating here. Thanks, Susen, for the great work you contributed.


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