Evaluate a significant achievement of yours and its impact on you.
"Your grades would have been much better if you had invested more time and effort in your studies." My father's incessant disapproval towards cyber-gaming hasn't surprised me at all. As with most Asian societies, the pursuit of academic excellence is widely regarded as the only path to success in life. The mainstream media has not spared the gaming scene either, often depicting it as a "vile corrupter of youths".
It had been three long years since my debut in the competitive gaming scene. I was only a rookie when I took part in the World Cyber Games, often hailed as the Olympic equivalent of e-sports, back in 2004. At that time, I started playing the real-time strategy game Warcraft 3 because it proved to be far more challenging than traditional turn-based games due to its emphasis on quick thinking. It was a little daunting at first as most of my opponents were older and seemed more experienced than me. Predictably, I suffered a humiliating defeat due to my inexperience and lack of confidence. However, I was determined to overcome the odds, and embarked on a grueling training regime that involved careful strategic analyses. My endeavors paid off, as I ratcheted up the gaming ranks, but somehow the gold medal always seemed to elude me - I had to make do with a silver in 2005 and my performance in 2006 was disastrous due to a stomach upset. With the imminent arrival of WCG 2007, I sensed that I could finally break this jinx.
For many nights, I had stayed up practicing my strategies and studying my opponents. Coffee had quickly become a companion of mine during these hours of pin-drop silence and pitch darkness in my neighborhood. On the night before the competition, I was exhausted, yet even that could not suppress the anxiety and anticipation within me. I called it a night barely an hour before the crack of dawn, and spared myself only a few hours of sleep before I was awake again.
My resolution to leave no stone unturned saw me rewatching my opponents' games just before leaving for the venue. After gobbling down my breakfast and receiving well-wishes from my family, I boarded the train headed for the city with my trusty keyboard and mouse safely tucked inside my backpack.
The games started soon after I arrived at the competition venue. My first three opponents did not pose a huge threat and I triumphed easily. For the first time in years, I smelt blood. I was not going to be a pushover for my lasting rival "Sheep", who was awaiting me in the finals.
Sheep was your typical teenage melodramatic antagonist - haughty, pretentious and scheming. Matches against him often included psychological warfare as he always tried to manipulate his opponents. Yet, Sheep's skill was irrefutable. He had steamrolled over me in the past few competitions and never failed to rub salt into my open wounds with his biting sarcastic remarks.
After both of us set up our equipment on stage, the games started promptly. As the countdown ticked from 5 to 1, my heart raced. The stakes were high and I could not afford to lose this match. The first two games were nail-biting and we ended with a tie. I had one final game to prove myself, and I understood the importance of maintaining my clarity of thought.
Our starting selection of units was similar in the final game but our play styles differed greatly. Sheep was an extremely aggressive player who preferred an offensive stance, whereas I adopted a more unorthodox and defensive approach. Initially, we were evenly matched but soon, Sheep started training more troops and went on the offensive. My forces were smaller in number as I was conserving my resources to train more powerful units. Unfortunately, Sheep managed to destroy a huge portion of my fortifications and cornered me inside my own base.
I was ready to throw in the towel, aware that my worst nightmare was becoming reality. Grief was slowly creeping into me. If I had quit the game, my WCG journey would end right then. Although the game was hanging by a thread, it was a thread nonetheless. Past experiences have made me aware that aggressive players have a tendency to play recklessly and I managed to capitalize on his complacency and urgency in trying to force a quick surrender from me. He lost focus, fell prey to my bait, and presented me the opportunity to turn the tides towards my favor, which I gladly took. Subsequently, it was an easy route to victory for me.
Although I was freezing in my jacket in the convention hall, sweat was trickling off my forehead after the intense game. I emerged from my booth to be greeted with a resounding applause from a thrilled audience. I spotted a few familiar faces and waved to them. Even Sheep, who still appeared perplexed at his loss, was uncharacteristically generous with his commendations for me. As I stepped onto the podium to receive my gold medal, it occurred to me with great pleasure that I had finally achieved something my parents could be proud of.
Today, that medal remains nestled in a corner of my desk, which currently houses other medals I won. Should I lose interest in gaming in future, I can at least revel in the pride that I was once a champion in this fraternity after all.
[about 900 words]
I have corrected this essay so many times. At first it was over 1200 words but I decided to cut down on a lot of details during each of the games as it was a little too long compared to the average essay. I wish to know how I should further improve on it to be better able to captivate the reader and get his/her attention. Thanks.
I agree with calend4r's comments about the last paragraph; it is important to make sure that you are relating to the prompt throughout the piece.
Please see my postings about your other pieces, as the same suggestions apply here in regards to mechanics.
I also wonder how much detail you really need here. There will be other chances during the application process to include a lot of detail, but the common app really isn't one; it is more of a snapshot; a quick-look first impression. Decide what really is important in this piece and then get rid of the stuff that isn't. That will streamline the piece, organize it, and keep your reader on track while keeping the word count under control.
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
