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Being Chinese and adopted ; Central to IDENTITY


mrth 3 / 10 1  
Nov 7, 2013   #1
#1: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Please help with mechanical errors! And if you've got the time, help me assess whether this addresses the prompt well enough and sounds strong. I'm not the most confident writer...

I'll help with any of your essays too, make sure to comment.

Since childhood, I have known that being Chinese and adopted set me apart from others, even in my own family. Growing up in a university town, being Asian was not a rarity, but I endured my fair share of abuse early on. Despite my physical appearance, English was my first language. I ate American-style Chinese take out. I wore Gap hand me downs. I felt similarly as American as I felt un-Chinese. Connecting with the culture I was born with and the one I was raised with was seemingly impossible. Even more, relating to my family has always been difficult. Partly because of the ethnic and social stigmas I carried that none of them could possibly empathize with, and the odd dynamic I created in the family upon my arrival. My brothers have been around together for longer, and share the same father. As for my mother, who raised me alone, the huge generational gap was evident; our morals and personalities simply clashed. When my brothers grew up and moved away and my mom got remarried, my connection with them grew limited and I became more prone to conflict with my mom. My family's arrangement just didn't seem to be cut for me. This disconnection I have experienced in my family and in society has forced me to question who I really am and ultimately, where I belong.

Whether it's within my own family or society, I have never felt included. I'm the perpetual foreigner in a country that I have lived in for nearly my entire life. My knowledge of Chinese culture is limited. When my other family members reminisce, I am often left alone. I have no relation to the man whose last name I bear. People have more expectations about what I should be, in their eyes, than I felt I knew about myself. This struggle has cultivated the aspiration to understand that I believe is truly central to my identity. This ambition manifests in my actions in many ways: I want nothing more than to learn about peoples' struggles, their backgrounds, and what makes them tick; I can spend hours talking to someone about their childhood, or researching a person I find interesting; I would rather not speak at all than participate in vapid small talk. Academically, I'm not the type who can storm through an assignment just to get it completed. I've lost countless hours of sleep just trying to grasp a concept or correctly solve a problem. I dedicate much of my time in thought.

What many fail to realize is that there is more to a person than the circumstances that they are dealt with. My ethnicity and family situation caused experiences that have shaped my identity, but they do not define me as a person. Years ago, I questioned why my race and appearance were at expense. As time wore on, the taunts seemed superficial and repetitive to me. I eventually came to realize that society's preconceptions do not define your worth. Struggling to connect with my Asian and American cultures has made me fascinated with other peoples' backgrounds. My family struggle has been the hardest, and many times I have felt stuck and hopeless where I am. However, in spite of how out of place I feel, I try to see past the surface and connect a person's story to their actions. I believe that keeping an open mind is one of the most essential qualities a person can exhibit. Having experienced first hand the many different individuals around me, I hope to change the way we as humans interact with each other. I want to have an impact, and helping others who have gone through similar struggles as my own is how I will find my place in the world.
lillehcai 1 / 5 1  
Nov 8, 2013   #2
Oh my god. It's really good...It makes me feel inferior! I don't know why you're not confident. (I think I sounded a bit hypocritical there) I felt your story was really interesting and will stand out from the pile.

You might want to address some tone issues so that you don't sound too alienated from everyone else (at least, aside from your family). However, this also shows your individuality so you decide whether or not you want to address this.

Only saw very minor errors...

I felt similarly as American as I felt un-Chinese. Connecting with the culture I was born with and the one I was raised with was seemingly impossible.

It's already fine, but I suggest "I felt similarly as American as I didn't feel Chinese". Just seems a little more clear to me.

has always been difficult. Partly because

Hyphen between these?

than the circumstances that they are dealt with.

Just "dealt". I think you'll see it. (Like, the cards that people are dealt)

My ethnicity and family situation caused experiences that have shaped my identity, but they do not define me as a person.

Slight tense issue. "My ethnicity and family situation have caused [what about 'given me'?] experiences that shape my identity, but..."
I think because the second clause is present and the first clause is past it creates a slight contradiction.

My family struggle has been the hardest

The hardest...? Did you mean just 'hard'?

Yes your experience is rather sad, but you ultimately came out of it knowing it made you who you are - thoughtful, perceptive, and strong. That's the conclusion I get from your essay and why I think it's frickin impressive.

I'm just a random person on the internet but I hope you know that ^.
OP mrth 3 / 10 1  
Nov 8, 2013   #3
Thank you so much! I'm glad I didn't come off as too whiny, which is what I was so afraid of.
Somehow I feel that "un-Chinese" is the best way I can convey the feeling. Like, instead of just not having that culture, it was kind of stripped away from me. Idk. But I appreciate all your help pointing out the mechanical errors, and for giving me a little ego boost. ^^
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Nov 9, 2013   #4
Please help with mechanical errors! And if you've got the time, help me assess whether this addresses the prompt well enough and sounds strong. I'm not the most confident writer...
I'll help with any of your essays too, make sure to comment.

I think this is a very strong response. You really have a strong case to present and you've done it pretty good. :)

My brothers have been around together for longer, and share the same father. As for my mother, who raised me alone, the huge generational gap was evident; our morals and personalities simply clashed. When my brothers grew up and moved away and my mom got remarried, my connection with them grew limited and I became more prone to conflict with my mom.

I am a little confused here. You were adopted by an American family, right? So how come your mother raised you on her own? Have they got separated after your arrival? I feel it is better you give more details about this family set up and I think you can add more emotions in this section. They convey strong messages to the reader. :)


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