Oh my god. It's really good...It makes me feel inferior! I don't know why you're not confident. (I think I sounded a bit hypocritical there) I felt your story was really interesting and will stand out from the pile.
You might want to address some tone issues so that you don't sound
too alienated from everyone else (at least, aside from your family). However, this also shows your individuality so you decide whether or not you want to address this.
Only saw very minor errors...
I felt similarly as American as I felt un-Chinese. Connecting with the culture I was born with and the one I was raised with was seemingly impossible.
It's already fine, but I suggest "I felt similarly as American as I didn't feel Chinese". Just seems a little more clear to me.
has always been difficult. Partly because
Hyphen between these?
than the circumstances that they are dealt with.
Just "dealt". I think you'll see it. (Like, the cards that people are dealt)
My ethnicity and family situation caused experiences that have shaped my identity, but they do not define me as a person.
Slight tense issue. "My ethnicity and family situation have caused [what about 'given me'?] experiences that shape my identity, but..."
I think because the second clause is present and the first clause is past it creates a slight contradiction.
My family struggle has been the hardest
The hardest...? Did you mean just 'hard'?
Yes your experience is rather sad, but you ultimately came out of it knowing it made you who you are - thoughtful, perceptive, and strong. That's the conclusion I get from your essay and why I think it's frickin impressive.
I'm just a random person on the internet but I hope you know that ^.