Please help me on this, the deadline is only 5 days left !!!! Please be harsh and critique it as much as possible
When I was in junior high, I was addicted to fashion. I skipped meals, wasted my money on clothing and spent a huge regretful amount of time to look at magazines and fashion design on the internet. That was some of the consequences that I had due to my addiction to fashion. I spent hours and hours of time going around all the websites to look at clothing, new trends, and fashion tutorial. I was in top students in my class not until I got to junior high, when my peers were all dressed up so nice and glamorous. I started to have the idea that I need to look good and stand out from the crowd. I wanted to become a fashion leader and to get attention from people. Thus, every day after school instead of participating to sport or studying I decided to spend my entire spare time to look at new fashion line and listened all the junk fashion interviews. I didn't touch my pack back since the time that I got home till the time I left.
My grade dropped dramatically and my social life was a bazaar. The lack of study had dragged my score down that I didn't even realized, I couldn't concentrate in class or listen to my teachers. I isolated myself from people and rejected so many opportunities. My parents and my teacher started to question me but I couldn't help myself from my addiction. I was in my own labyrinth. It was my fault that I could have kept myself from jealousy and temptation.
Everything changed when I came to high school; I realized that it was a childish idea. I figured out that looking at fashion all the time was affected to my social life and my academic work. Even though it took me a long time to realized and overcome my addiction, I was still really thankful to learn from that experience. People learnt from their mistakes and so did I. It was hard for me to quit shopping but I got my family encouragement. I realized I needed to manage my time more wisely and use my time in a better way. I spent time on playing sports, studying and volunteering at community centers. I enjoyed tutoring children and helping them on their math home work. I sang and danced and told jokes to elder people to make them laugh. I found to use myself in a better way. I knew that I could help my community in different ways. I wanted to become a doctor to take care of my patients and help them as I helped the people in the community center.
This is my accomplishment and also my experience that I feel really proud of. It makes become a better person, who is out-going, ambitious and involving in social activities. Overcoming this obstacle give me a good lesson that I will never forget and will carry on in life. Without my parents, I need to take the responsibility for my action, my addiction to shopping.
Personally, I wouldn't go right out and say "this is my accomplishment...". I think you should reword it or maybe omit it, or maybe restructure the entire ending again to make it sound stronger.
