I'm looking for a little help with one of my admissions essay questions: What is one thing you do really well?
Aftter thinking about it, dancing was the subject that I came up with. I was wondering if someone could read over it for anything grammatical, and if there is anything confusing in terms of organization or descriptions. Also, its not categorized as an essay, but rather like a short-answer question. Is this too long/essay like? There is a separate essay with specific requirements, but this one has no word length...
I've been so nervous about these essays that I can't organize things sensibly ^^; Hope this makes sense...
The resin box is running low and there is less than a minute to show time. The stage goes dark. . I am terrified of being in front of so many watchful eyes. I shuffle to my position, following in the white footprints across the floor, hoping some resin will rub off on my shoes The butterflies in my stomach have worked their way into my throat, but with some quiet self-encouragement, they have fluttered out of my mouth completely. I have realized that I am not as nervous as I thought I would be. "Why's that?" I asked myself. "Because I'm doing something that I truly love."
All of my ballet training had led up to that moment, that single recital, that final number. That day was the last time I would feel those satin ribbons tied against my skin, not because of a preoccupation with academics or a part-time job ï I found the time for dance in my schedule ï but because my knees simply had other plans. My future health meant giving up ballet and putting my pointe shoes away for good.
I had been dancing since I could walk. The Oscar Meyer jingle on T.V., the radio, anything; no matter what the song was, I would dance. Once I enrolled in dance classes I discovered that ballet was my true passion. From then on, my springs and summers were filled with rehearsals and recitals, and my off-season consisted of attending any ballet production that came into town. I trained hard enough to begin dancing en pointe, and loved every minute of it.
An immediate thrill of adrenaline came with dancing. It was beautiful, it was passionate, and it involved using every ounce of emotion to create something beautiful of my own. Dance was not only about being inspired, it allowed me to consume inspiration, infuse it with my own passion, and emit more inspiration for others to utilize. I also reaped the benefits of the not-so-immediate effects. Dancing taught me more about myself, my emotions, and my work ethic than anything else could have. I was eager to attend classes and learn. I was responsible to rehearse on my own account. I was dependable to dance with a group. I was ambitious to train and show the world what I could do. I was proud of myself that I shone in the spotlight, and could continue to do so long as a persevered.
After three and a half years en pointe, and many more of ballet, I have decided to dance just for fun ï no more classes, no more recitals, no more rushing around to find the resin box. I dance simply for the joy it brings into my life. That does not mean my dancing lacks in passion or does not exude the same inspiration. That does not mean that I have forgotten all that I have learned about myself. I will always carry those lessons with me; I will always carry that passion. Only this time, I'm not scared of the bright lights.
Greetings!
What an absolutely delightful essay! Call it an essay, call it a short answer, I don't think it matters one bit--what it is, is excellent! It stands on its own exactly as it is. If I were to try very hard to find one thing about it to change (and I had to try!) it would be this: you say at the beginning that you had to give up ballet because of your knees. At the end, you make it sound as though you gave it up by choice. You might want to clarify that one small detail. Other than that, I think it is absolutely perfect! You have a wonderfully engaging writing style which is very enjoyable to read.
Outstanding!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
